- [first lines]
- Harvey Bains: Come along, folk; panto time.
- Female Resident: Panto time? It's July.
- Harvey Bains: Be December by the time you get there.
- Diana: And the runners are all lined up. They are under starter's orders for this year's Derby.
- Tom: Diana, you really are unspeakable!
- Diana: Well, that's my job: Diana Trent, unspeakable swine, by appointment.
- Tom: You shouldn't mock the afflicted.
- Diana: Yes, of course you should. They can't fight back. You're onto a winning ticket mocking the afflicted.
- [yells]
- Diana: Come on, Millie, cut him off at the corner.
- Tom: You can't tempt fate like that, you know. It'll get *you* in the end.
- Diana: Oh, not a chance. The day I lay hand to walking frame will be the day I pull the plug on myself.
- Diana: Love isn't a quantifiable or definable product. It's a... well, it's like a sort of elephant, sitting in the corner of your sitting-room. You can't ignore it, but if you don't do something about it, you're going to find yourself knee-deep in elephant poo.
- Diana: Tom, will you tell this Celtic dimwit that I do not want a new hip. Hip replacements are for the old and the infirm.
- Tom: She says she thanks you very much and would love a new hip and... will you vent her spleen while you're at it?
- David Davis: My pleasure.