Gabe Kaplan: Gabe Kotter

Quotes 

• Gabe Kotter : We beat Woodman's liver! Today Woodman's liver, tomorrow my wife's tuna casserole!

• Gabe Kotter : Oh, Mr. Woodman, you'll be happy to know we have decided against the food fight. We Sweathogs are going to work through the system.

  Mr. Michael Woodman : What system, Kotter? There's only one system here: you're free to do as you're told.

• Gabe Kotter : [while the class is singing "99 Bottles of Beer" in unison]  That's the way it was, 200 years ago today, Valley Forge Ramada Inn. This Bicentenniel Minute has been brought to you by S.H.E.L., Students Happy to End Liver.

• Arnold Horshack : [the lights go in the dark classroom, Horshack stands by the switch sucking his thumb, clutching a blanket and whimpering]  I would've been okay if I had my teddy.

  Gabe Kotter : Well, you can't have your teddy.

  Arnold Horshack : Well, then how about Mrs. Kotter?

  Gabe Kotter : You can't have my teddy either.

• Juan Epstein : [Late at night in the dark classroom]  Hey, Horshack. Tell me somethin'. Do you ever think about what God is like?

  Arnold Horshack : Oh, yeah. I think he's short. And he has a marvelous sense of humor. And a great laugh.

  Vernajean Williams : Hey, God can do anything.

  Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington : He can?

  Vernajean Williams : SHE can. You know, she sings just like Aretha Franklin.

  Juan Epstein : Y'know, I think God is kinda tough, y'know? But he's fair. Sorta like John Wayne in a white beard, y'know? "All right, pilgrims, move those clouds in a circle."

  Vinnie Barbarino : I got my own idea of what God is like. I know he's a sharp dresser. He's good lookin'. And of course he's Italian.

  Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington : Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythym section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.

  Julie Kotter : Well, I think God is love. And if he were here, he'd love my tuna casserole.

  Juan Epstein : Hey, Mr. Kotter? What's your feelings on this subject?

  Gabe Kotter : Well, I think that, uh, God is everywhere.

  Arnold Horshack : Even in liver?

  Gabe Kotter : He's everywhere. He's in Times Square. He used to be in Ebbets Field. Spent a lot of time in Ebbets Field. He's Moonlight in Vermont, Autumn in New York, all the standards. He's everywhere... with the possible exception of Epstein's gymn locker! Go to sleep!