- Arnold Horshack: [Woodman enters and Horshack assumes they've won] The thrill of victory!
- Mr. Michael Woodman: What victory? You didn't win anything.
- Arnold Horshack: Ohhh, the agony of defeat.
- Gabe Kotter: Oh, Mr. Woodman, you'll be happy to know we have decided against the food fight. We Sweathogs are going to work through the system.
- Mr. Michael Woodman: What system, Kotter? There's only one system here: you're free to do as you're told.
- Gabe Kotter: [while the class is singing "99 Bottles of Beer" in unison] That's the way it was, 200 years ago today, Valley Forge Ramada Inn. This Bicentenniel Minute has been brought to you by S.H.E.L., Students Happy to End Liver.
- Arnold Horshack: [the lights go in the dark classroom, Horshack stands by the switch sucking his thumb, clutching a blanket and whimpering] I would've been okay if I had my teddy.
- Gabe Kotter: Well, you can't have your teddy.
- Arnold Horshack: Well, then how about Mrs. Kotter?
- Gabe Kotter: You can't have my teddy either.
- Juan Epstein: [Late at night in the dark classroom] Hey, Horshack. Tell me somethin'. Do you ever think about what God is like?
- Arnold Horshack: Oh, yeah. I think he's short. And he has a marvelous sense of humor. And a great laugh.
- Vernajean Williams: Hey, God can do anything.
- Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington: He can?
- Vernajean Williams: SHE can. You know, she sings just like Aretha Franklin.
- Juan Epstein: Y'know, I think God is kinda tough, y'know? But he's fair. Sorta like John Wayne in a white beard, y'know? "All right, pilgrims, move those clouds in a circle."
- Vinnie Barbarino: I got my own idea of what God is like. I know he's a sharp dresser. He's good lookin'. And of course he's Italian.
- Freddie 'Boom Boom' Washington: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythym section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
- Julie Kotter: Well, I think God is love. And if he were here, he'd love my tuna casserole.
- Juan Epstein: Hey, Mr. Kotter? What's your feelings on this subject?
- Gabe Kotter: Well, I think that, uh, God is everywhere.
- Arnold Horshack: Even in liver?
- Gabe Kotter: He's everywhere. He's in Times Square. He used to be in Ebbets Field. Spent a lot of time in Ebbets Field. He's Moonlight in Vermont, Autumn in New York, all the standards. He's everywhere... with the possible exception of Epstein's gymn locker! Go to sleep!