- Mona Robinson: Angela, what is the problem?
- Angela: The problem is, Mother, you sent me a man for a housekeeper.
- Mona Robinson: Oh, don't be sexist. A man can do meaningless, unproductive work just as well as a woman.
- Angela: Mother, Mother, the housekeeper's room is very close to mine.
- Tony: Oh, hey, don't worry about me. I keep a can of mace by my bed.
- Tony: Sam, I want to to meet some real nice people. This is Mona Robinson.
- Samantha Micelli: [shaking Mona's hand] Nice to meet you.
- Tony: And this is Angela Bower.
- Samantha Micelli: [shaking Angela's hand] Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you Miss Bower. You have a lovely home, and you're so pretty.
- Angela: Oh, thank you. I'm very flattered.
- Samantha Micelli: [looking at Tony] That's the idea.
- Tony: There are some things that are no good for you, like Crunchy Crawlers, and guys who just want to...
- Angela: Now, just a minute. If I want -
- [both look down at the kids and back at each other again]
- Angela: Crunchy Crawlers, then I will have Crunchy Crawlers.
- Tony: Crunchy Crawlers are empty calories. Not really satisfying. In an hour, you're gonna want something else.
- Angela: Maybe I'll want more Crunchy Crawlers.
- Tony: I'm Tony Micelli. I'm here about the job.
- Angela: Oh, I'm sorry. There must be a mistake. This job is for a housekeeper.
- Tony: That's me, Mr. Goodmop.
- Angela: Well, my mother's screening everyone. Did you meet her?
- Tony: Yeah yesterday. She gave me the once over, kicked me in the tires, put me up on the rack...
- Angela: Well, she should've checked under your hood, 'cause you're the wrong sex.
- Tony: Oh, wait a minute; she said that wouldn't be any problem.
- Angela: My mother didn't think World War II was a problem.
- Grant Paxton: Angela, who is this?
- Angela: Well, Grant, you're not going to believe this, but this is my new housekeeper.
- Grant Paxton: Housekeeper? Angela, this is the ugliest woman I've ever seen.
- Tony: Hey, look, Mrs. Rossini, you've got to admit this neighborhood's falling apart. I mean, look at Samantha. When she starts coming home with black eyes, I think it's time for me to get out.
- Samantha Micelli: Hey, that's because there were three of those guys, Dad. And anyway, I got one guy sneezing out of his ear.
- Mona Robinson: See, my instincts tell me this is the man for my grandson - and it doesn't hurt that he's a hunk.
- Angela: Mother, I'm not looking for a hunk for a housekeeper.
- Mona Robinson: Why not? He'll do floors. He'll lift furniture. Can I come over when he lifts?
- Samantha Micelli: But, Dad, how can a woman make enough money to afford a great house like this?
- Tony: Well, I mean, she works hard, and she's real smart. Hey, you could do the same thing.
- Samantha Micelli: I can?
- Tony: Sure.
- Samantha Micelli: Then I think I'll be the manager of the Mets.
- Tony: Good choice. Good choice. I'll be so proud of you when you're out there kicking dirt on umpires.