- Ryan Stiles: [in "Whose Line", with the scene being "Star Wars"] The Jedis have a saying, and it goes simply like this:
- [reading note]
- Ryan Stiles: "From now on, I want to be known as "Helen"." What kind of name is Obi-Wan Kenobi? Call me Helen.
- Colin Mochrie: Kenobi? Helen Kenobi?
- Ryan Stiles: No, just Helen.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Whose Line", with the scene being "Star Wars"] Luke, I have... not got long left.
- [Drew laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: Or... I have not long left, I will, I'll die soon, Luke. People will say things about me. I don't want you to believe them. When people talk of me, I want you to look straight into their eyes and tell them,
- [reading note]
- Ryan Stiles: "Don't miss "The Drew Carey Show" Wednesday nights on ABC." Oh wait, wait, there's more: "Give the tall guy more lines."
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Party Quirks", Colin's quirk is "Has Found Drew Carey's secret diary"] Are you ready for THIS?
- [mimes turning to a page]
- Colin Mochrie: "Today I just sat there, I watched the four of them perform for me in such a way I didn't think I'd be able to walk!"
- Brad Sherwood: [in "Party Quirks", Ryan's quirk is "The tortoise and the hare"] Hey, I'm taking away your valium. Okay?
- Ryan Stiles: [as the tortoise at the moment] ... Okay.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Bad songs to sing in prison."
- Wayne Brady: [singing] "So who's the slightly effeminate one? That's me, that's me."
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] "Who dropped the soap?
- [snapping fingers]
- Brad Sherwood: Who dropped the soap?"
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] "Jim's escapin' through the hole in the wall, the hole in the..."
- [Drew laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] "With the wig, you remind me of Julia."
- Drew Carey: [laughs] Oh man... you sounded so sincere when you were singing.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Inappropriate first date greetings."
- Wayne Brady: [to Ryan] Hi. DAMN, they're big!
- Brad Sherwood: [to Ryan] Hello, Mr. Johnson, I've come to fondle your daughter.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "What he's thinking while he's kissing you."
- Wayne Brady: [miming wrapping arms around a woman] DAMN, those are big!
- Ryan Stiles: [miming wrapping arms around a woman] Okay, the Giants are on a 3 o'clock eastern time...
- Brad Sherwood: [miming wrapping arms around a woman] She COULDN'T have eaten skunk...
- Colin Mochrie: [miming wrapping arms around a woman] Man, the things you gotta do to get on "Whose Line"...
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Bad parental motivational speeches."
- Ryan Stiles: Do you wanna end up like ME?
- [leaves stage; returns with another joke]
- Ryan Stiles: A teacher? A teacher? Honey, prostitutes make TWICE that money!