- ["Greatest Hits - Songs of the Attorney"]
- Colin Mochrie: Would you pay over two hundred bucks for this collection?
- Ryan Stiles: Well, *I* wouldn't!
- [pretends to laugh]
- Colin Mochrie: And what about those of us who only have one network show?
- ["Greatest Hits - Songs of the Attorney"]
- Colin Mochrie: When I was a young boy, I had a dog named Joe. And whenever he'd get too far, I'd put on a Yoko Ono record and he would come running back really quickly. And luckily, that song is on this album: the great Yoko Ono attorney hit, "Attor-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!"
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Newsflash", with footage of maggots] Colin, I'd like to ask you another question, but I'm afraid if I open my mouth, I might VOMIT.
- Colin Mochrie: You mind if I eat?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Foreign Film Dub", translating for Drew's mock Swedish] I bet you can't wait to see my thong!
- Colin Mochrie: [translating for Kathy's mock Swedish] You are SO wrong.
- Ryan Stiles: [translating for Drew's mock Swedish] I love you so very much, but I've had too many meatballs.