- Artemus Gordon: What are they doing?
- James T. West: They're trying to break out and get to the doctor. I guess they want to kill him. We'd better go down and stop them.
- Artemus Gordon: Ahhh... Why?
- James T. West: Must be some reason.
- Artemus Gordon: I can't think of any.
- James T. West: It is a problem.
- Artemus Gordon: Um-hmmm...
- [the door burst open. Arcularis begins to cry out and scream]
- James T. West: Say... do you suppose that woman could be conditioned so that she'd never nag, never complain, never be anything but sweet and warm and understanding? Kind?
- James T. West: You've got a reasonal.
- [they race for Arcularis's lab]
- James T. West: [In response to Dr. Arcularis' sadistic demonstration on a caged prisoner] It's too bad you weren't around during the Inquisition. You would have been very good at it.
- Dr. Arcularis: Yes, I've often regretted that.
- Artemus Gordon: Now, where is he?
- Sikes: They'll kill me if I tell you.
- Artemus Gordon: And I'll kill you if you don't. The only difference is, I'll do it now.
- Dr. Arcularis: [Addressing the cornered James West] What are those lovely words from Ecclesiastes? I always forget them.
- James T. West: "A time to weep, and a time to laugh"?
- Dr. Arcularis: Ah. My favorite is, "A time to be born, and a time to die."
- Artemus Gordon: [Offering Ahkeema a drink] Will you join me?
- Ahkeema: Don't you realize it's a federal offense to offer "fire water" to an Indian?
- Artemus Gordon: Forgive me.
- Ahkeema: Four years of college taught me many things: A respect for calculus, Blackstone and Shakespeare. And nothing but contempt for the white man's vices.
- Artemus Gordon: There's one thing your four years of college didn't teach you, Ahkeema.
- Ahkeema: What is that?
- Artemus Gordon: Good manners.