- Col. Pellargo #2: My people are completely dedicated to two basic objectives. The first is eking out a basic hand-to-mouth existence. And the second...
- James T. West: Trying to assassinate you.
- Col. Pellargo #2: From time to time, yes. I'm a reasonable man. I'm willing to grant them the first, but never the second.
- Claudio Antille: My arm is hurting.
- Fabian Lavendor: Yes, well I can see you've got a wound there and I'll take care of it. The blood, don't drop it on the carpet because it gives the mourners a very bad impression.
- James T. West: I want to check the missing person file.
- Artemus Gordon: All right, Jim, now it's my turn to ask. Why?
- James T. West: Because, Artie... things aren't always what they seem to be.