"Women of the House" Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)

(1995)

Delta Burke: Suzanne Sugarbaker

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Quotes 

  • Natalie Hollingsworth : And by the way, Miss Sugarbaker, I just want you to know we were all absolutely devastated over your husband's untimely death.

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, I'm not sure how untimely it was, he was 76! Anyway, there's no reason to be sad. He lived a wonderful life and never suffered unless I wanted him to.

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : Oh by the way, I had to let the air out of somebody's tire, he was parking in Ray's old spot. Now, it was a blue Chevrolet with a little handicapped sticker in the back. If anyone calls about it, you tell them not to park there again, that's our spot.

    Jennifer Malone : You let the air out of a handicapped person's tire?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Yes, I did. You know, they have thier own parking spaces now, so they certainly don't have any business pulling into dead people's spots!

  • Jennifer Malone : Somebody from the White House called and said the President wants you to go jogging with him.

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : I can't go, I don't jog.

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Why not?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Because I'm very voluptuous! I mean, there's enough stuff going on just when I walk. If I JOG, I might take out a couple of Secret Service agents!

  • Natalie Hollingsworth : If you go on Crossfire and they're gonna start asking you those questions like, oh - do you pay social security taxes on your maid?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, I just pay her cash. What she does with it is her own business.

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Oh, please! Now that's gonna be in every paper in the country! Sapphire will tear you apart.

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : I don't think so, I don't think she even takes the paper.

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Who are you talking about?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : I'm talking about my maid, Sapphire. Who are you talking about?

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Oh, I'm talking about Bill Sapphire, the columnist. You have a black maid named Sapphire?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Yes, I do.

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Are you aware that that is a racial stereotype, like Amos 'n Andy?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Look, I can't help what it is. Sapphire's her damned name and she's too old to change it now!

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : We've got to return that "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" tape. We were looking at that the other night and that Jimmy Stewart is just as cute as a button!

    Sissy Emerson : Ha! Obviously you don't know that he used to whip those boys of his unmercifully.

    Jennifer Malone : I thought that was Bing Crosby.

    Sissy Emerson : Oh. Yeah, right. Oh then - oh, it was Jimmy Stewart that did not have any friends. Or maybe that was Martha Stewart.

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Yes sir, maybe that was Martha Washington!

    Sissy Emerson : She was a lesbian, right?

  • Natalie Hollingsworth : Have you ever heard of The Donner Party?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : No. It doesn't mean I wasn't invited though, I get lots of invitations.

  • Natalie Hollingsworth : There's at least 30 Congressmen calling for a full investigation and/or resignation, not to mention The Journal, The Times and The Post.

    Sissy Emerson : And don't forget, Penthouse wants to know if she has any wedding night videos.

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, I'm sorry but I just don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like I went out and whacked some ice skater on the knee!

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : I thought being rich was the American dream, you know, something to aspire to. My goodness, rich people are the ones who built this country! At least they built most of the really nice stores.

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : Now I've been told that Washington is a place where you have to fit in. Well, I'm a person who likes to stand out.

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : If Mr. Smith came to Washington today, you people would beat the hell out of him!

  • Jennifer Malone : I just wanted you to know I think you're wonderful. And I know it isn't true, but if you were a lesbian, I'd be proud to be your lover - and I'm not even gay!

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, that's enough of that kinda talk!

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : My five husbands left me plenty of money! And I'm sure I'll marry again. Or as my grandmother used to say, "Honey, if you ever need a million dollars, just remember, you're sitting on it!"

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : I've gotta find somebody to do my makeup and hair. I sure don't want that two-dollar guy Ross Perot uses. He's always braggin' about the price; he looks like a damn leprechaun!

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : This is not scandal! I mean, look at that Prince Charles over in England. Now, I'm sorry but I think what he said is a whole lot worse than what I said!

    Natalie Hollingsworth : What are you talking about?

    Suzanne Sugarbaker : I'm just making a comparison, Natty. The man apparently told that Camilla Parker whatshername that he wants to be a tampon. Now I'm sorry, but I think once you've said something like that, you give up your right to be the King of England!

    Natalie Hollingsworth : Suzanne, you know since coming here you have, hmmm... diminished all women as sexual commodities, slandered homosexuals, insulted blacks and bragged about being rich. Now, while it is true that you did not express a desire to be a tampon, I fail to see how that's a cause for rejoicing or a negation of your other comments.

  • Suzanne Sugarbaker : Now I've said a lot of things this week that are politically incorrect, but then so am I. My maid is black, my daughter's adopted, my brother's retarded and I myself am five-times married, fat, not zaftig, big-mouthed, Southern and rich! Newly rich which, if you ask me, is the best kind to be because it means you earned it yourself.

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