Women of the House (TV Series)

Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington (1995)

Valerie Mahaffey: Jennifer Malone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jennifer Malone : Listen to this.

  [Malone reads a passage from the newspaper to Suzanne Sugarbaker and her colleagues] 

  Jennifer Malone : "Considering the flamboyant, zaftig Miss Sugarbaker's ample cleavage and her breathless assurances that she is, quote, 'too rich to steal,' it was difficult to tell if she was playing Miss Kitty or Miss Ellie from The Beverly Hillbillies."

  Sissy Emerson : You know, basically there are four things they really hate in this town. The newly rich, happy people, movie stars and hicks. You never had a chance.

• [Natty walks in and finds Malone dusting] 

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Excuse me, is this Suzanne Sugarbaker's office?

  Jennifer Malone : Why yes, it is. However, I don't really work here. I'm just waiting to apply for a job. There wasn't anyone around and the place needed dusting. Luckily I carry a can of lemon Pledge in my purse for just these kinds of emergencies!

• Jennifer Malone : Jerry and I were high school sweethearts. We've never been with anyone else, we've never even dated anyone else, so I guess he's going through this kind of midlife crisis thing and it's completely thrown our two boys who yesterday were suspended from junior high for wearing the devil's insignia on their clothes! And I'm the one who sewed it on for them! I didn't know what it was! I didn't even know the devil had an insignia!

• Sissy Emerson : Men are so stupid.

  [Malone stares at her] 

  Sissy Emerson : Something wrong?

  Jennifer Malone : No, I was just waiting for you to finish the sentence.

  Sissy Emerson : No, I find that makes a very nice icebreaker just as it is. Of course, if you'd like me to elaborate, I could talk about the pantyhose I'm wearing which were purchased by my ex-boyfriend who never really did catch on that those charts aren't accurate. So now I'm walking around with a crotch at knee-level, looking like a penguin trying to catch an elevator.

• Sissy Emerson : What time is this Sugarbaker person getting here, anyway?

  Jennifer Malone : Well I'm sure any minute now, she must be running late.

  Sissy Emerson : Oh, of course she's running late, everybody says she's stupid. Or she's a lesbian. I forget which, she's either stupid or she's a lesbian... or she killed a man. No, you know, maybe that was somebody else. You know how it is, so many rumors.

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Yes, and so little time to check them all out.

• Jennifer Malone : You know Miss Sugarbaker?

  Natalie Hollingsworth : No, I knew her husband. When I found out the old man died and that his big ol' dumb beauty queen wife was coming to fill his seat, I said, "Natalie, why wait until the body is cold? This is Washington and nobody else is going to. Get yourself over there and fill that vacuum; seize this chance to mold somebody in your own image, put America right again and kick a little butt!"

• Jennifer Malone : I'm applying for receptionist. I've never had a job interview before. I've never even had a job before - well, I worked at home. My husband's an assistant football coach for The Washington Redskins. Well, he was 'til about three months ago...

  [She lets out an enormous sob] 

  Jennifer Malone : ...then he ran off with an interpretive halftime dancer! I'm sorry, I know it's ridiculous of me to be telling this to a total stranger but I'm too humiliated to tell it to anybody I know!

• Suzanne Sugarbaker : Oh by the way, I had to let the air out of somebody's tire, he was parking in Ray's old spot. Now, it was a blue Chevrolet with a little handicapped sticker in the back. If anyone calls about it, you tell them not to park there again, that's our spot.

  Jennifer Malone : You let the air out of a handicapped person's tire?

  Suzanne Sugarbaker : Yes, I did. You know, they have thier own parking spaces now, so they certainly don't have any business pulling into dead people's spots!

• Jennifer Malone : Somebody from the White House called and said the President wants you to go jogging with him.

  Suzanne Sugarbaker : I can't go, I don't jog.

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Why not?

  Suzanne Sugarbaker : Because I'm very voluptuous! I mean, there's enough stuff going on just when I walk. If I JOG, I might take out a couple of Secret Service agents!

• Suzanne Sugarbaker : We've got to return that "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" tape. We were looking at that the other night and that Jimmy Stewart is just as cute as a button!

  Sissy Emerson : Ha! Obviously you don't know that he used to whip those boys of his unmercifully.

  Jennifer Malone : I thought that was Bing Crosby.

  Sissy Emerson : Oh. Yeah, right. Oh then - oh, it was Jimmy Stewart that did not have any friends. Or maybe that was Martha Stewart.

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Yes sir, maybe that was Martha Washington!

  Sissy Emerson : She was a lesbian, right?

• Jennifer Malone : I just wanted you to know I think you're wonderful. And I know it isn't true, but if you were a lesbian, I'd be proud to be your lover - and I'm not even gay!

  Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, that's enough of that kinda talk!