- [first lines]
- Madame Francine: If we only get there in time!
- John Colton: Has Yancy taken leave of his senses?
- Madame Francine: I thought he had when I heard the quarrel between him and LeBow at the club.
- LeBow: I hope these spectators don't make you nervous, Derringer.
- Yancy Derringer: Why? Should they?
- LeBow: Why indeed? After all, what would a duel at The Oaks be without an audience. When we face each other here, my friend, we're actors walking onto a stage.
- Yancy Derringer: Are we here for a duel, Mr. LeBow, or for polite conversation?
- Phillip Lorme: You better stay dead for a while.
- LeBow: I thought everything went off very nicely.
- Phillip Lorme: Oh, it was all right.
- LeBow: You know, as my oldest friend and partner, I think you might show a little enthusiasm for the success of my plan.
- LeBow: Will you tell the driver to give those horses a touch of the whip? I wouldn't want to be late for my own funeral.
- John Colton: Dueling code! Dueling code! A barbarous piece of hypocricy that allows men to kill each other in so-called self-defense.
- Yancy Derringer: It's an old institution, Mr. Colton.
- John Colton: So is hanging, Mr. Derringer!
- Captain Fry: Last night, the overseer was told to pick up a coffin at LeBow's house by noon today, drive it to the churchyard and bury it.
- John Colton: Who gave him that message?
- Captain Fry: The dead man.
- John Colton: Lorme? Ordering his own funeral?
- Yancy Derringer: Yes, Mr. Colton. Mr. Lorme thought he was ordering the fake funeral for his partner.
- John Colton: And then what happened?
- Yancy Derringer: Well, there was evidently a change in plans and Mr. Lorme wasn't informed.
- [Yancy needs Jody to pick the locks on his handcuffs]
- Yancy Derringer: Would you have Jeremiah go get Jody Barker and bring him here?
- Madame Francine: That pickpocket!
- Yancy Derringer: I'm not interested in his morals, just his skill.
- [last lines]
- John Colton: I presume this is Mr. LeBow?
- Yancy Derringer: That's right. Last time we had the right coffin but the wrong man. Do you think you can straighten it out this time?
- John Colton: I'm sure I can. Thank you.
- Yancy Derringer: My pleasure.