- Neil: You mean, you, like, scored with a chick?
- Rick: Well, of course, I wouldn't put it in such sexist terms, Neil, but yes.
- Mike: Now, wait a minute, Rick. I'm the one who gets the girls around here. There could be a copyright problem.
- Vyvyan: I don't understand. How? Was she unconscious?
- Rick: What, Vyvyan? Do I detect a little spark of jealousy?
- Vyvyan: Ha! I'm not jealous. I find the idea of spending a night with you completely revolting!
- Rick: You know perfectly well what I mean. Just because I was the most wanted and attractive guy at the party last night...
- Neil: What do you mean, Rick? You passed out after half a glass of cider.
- Rick: Did I? Blimey, that's a bit anarchic! Anyway, it just goes to show you, Neil. Even when I'm unconscious, I can pick up the birds. Erm, I mean, forge meaningful relationships with birds... chicks... tarts... women. Women!
- Jester Balowski: Excuse me, is this a cheese shop?
- Salesman: No, sir.
- Jester Balowski: Well that sketch's knackered then, innit?
- Mike: Rick, I don't wish to suggest your jokes are predictable, but there are as-of-yet undiscovered tribes in the heart of the Peruvian jungle who knew you were going to say that.
- Neil: How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, me, 'cause I'm the only one that does anything around here anyway.
- Rick: One things for sure, when Cliff Richard wrote 'wired for sound' no way was he sitting on a clean lavatory.
- Helen Mucus: How clumsy of me. It seems like I've done it again. What can I say?
- Mike: How about, "Oh Mike, please put your hand up my skirt".
- Knight of the Square Table: I'm a knight of the Square Table.
- Mike: Square Table?
- Knight of the Square Table: Well, you see, King Arthur didn't consider me cool and hip enough to be on the Round Table on account of some of my suits of armor have still got flares.
- Mike: Well, you can't get sqaurer than that.
- Neil: Shut up, Mike! Nothing wrong with flares.