- Zack Greenburg: [Spence and Zack open up a used VCR to find a green, pulsating, slimy circuit board] Whoa. Spence, that motherboard...
- Spencer Sharpe: It's like nothing I've seen before. You know, this alien technology may be what makes it so hard to program a VCR.
- Zack Greenburg: Are you sure you can make sense of *that*?
- Spencer Sharpe: Luckily I brought my SETL Junior descrambler software.
- Zack Greenburg: SETL? The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Life?
- Spencer Sharpe: If there's a language in this signal, the descrambler will be able to dig it out. Unless it's Dutch. For some reason, it can't deal with Dutch.
- Zack Greenburg: [aliens are threatening Earth, and Spence suspects Zack may have helped them] Spence, think about it. If I was an alien spy, would I tell you, Spencer Sharpe? That's like guaranteeing the invasion to fail.
- Spencer Sharpe: So, who do you think sold out the Earth?
- Zack Greenburg: I don't know. Someone with power who wants more, like Bill Gates or Tori Spelling.
- Commander: Earthling, your signal has been received. We are pleased you have agreed to assist the Zugatian Empire conquer Earth. In return, you shall be named governor of our latest colony. Valuable coupons will follow. We shall meet at the appointed time, where we shall suck your brains out.
- Navigator: Commander...
- Commander: Hmmm? Oh, I'm sorry. Translation problem. I meant, interview you regarding your knowledge of human weaknesses.