- Zack Greenburg: It's Horace Hyde White School for *Boys*. If they let girls in, what's next? Mind control?
- Dan Greenburg: Well, that's what school's all about.
- Zack Greenburg: Dad, I don't even know how to talk to a girl.
- Dan Greenburg: Who does? Okay, listening seems to help, and nodding, and agreeing. And nodding some more. Nodding is real good.
- Zack Greenburg: [narrating his thoughts] Sometimes my Dad just does not get it. My voice is changing, my world is rocking, and there's not a thing he can do to stop it. But at least he tries.
- Dan Greenburg: When talking to a woman the important thing to remember is, well, not to talk.