- June Cleaver: A doctor? Where'd he get that idea?
- Wally Cleaver: From watching all those doctor shows on television.
- Ward Cleaver: Eddie thinks he would make a good doctor?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, he says that all those doctors ever do on television is stand around and argue with each other. He's pretty good at arguing.
- Richard Rickover: [Responding to Beaver's reluctance to use the Cleavers' washing machine for Richard's laundry] You don't know how to work the machine, huh?
- The Beaver: Well, sure. I watched my mom do it a lotta times. All's you do is put the soap in, then turn it to where it says 'on' and then you sit down and wait for the bell to ring.
- Richard Rickover: You got a bell on yours?
- The Beaver: Yeah. It rings when the wash is through.
- Richard Rickover: Well, how do you know it isn't the phone?
- The Beaver: Listen. If you can't tell a phone from a washing machine, you shouldn't even be walking around.
- Wally Cleaver: Parents don't like to hear bad stuff any more than kids do. Maybe they even like to hear bad stuff less.
- Richard Rickover: How come?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, look. They got the whole world to worry about. All you got to worry about is washing your feet and junk like that.
- June Cleaver: What's funny about your brother helping Richard with the laundry?
- Wally Cleaver: Well, I always knew Beaver was pretty good at getting clothes dirty, but I never thought anybody'd ever want him to help get 'em clean.
- The Beaver: I just remembered: today's the day my mom goes to the beauty parlor.
- Richard Rickover: Well, then maybe she'll be home soon.
- The Beaver: I don't think so. She's got an awful lot of hair.
- The Beaver: Well, gee! Why do they play cards if they do nothin' but argue about it?
- Richard Rickover: Well, that's the way it is. I guess you're not allowed to have fun playin' games when you're a grownup.