- Shelbyville Grampa: And with that, a mighty cheer went up from the heroes of Shelbyville. They had banished the awful lemon tree forever, because it was haunted. Now let's all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice.
- Ned Flanders: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are lost in your town. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?
- Shelbyvillian #1: Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem.
- Shelbyvillian #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
- Marge: This town is a part of who you are! This is a Springfield Isotopes Cap... when you wear it, you're wearing Springfield! When you eat a fish from our river, you're eating Springfield! When you make lemonade from our trees, you're drinking Springfield!
- Bart Simpson: Mom, when you give that lecture, you're boring Springfield.
- Homer: That tree's been in Springfield since the time of our forefathers. Give it back or we'll bust in there and take it!
- Shelby's Dad: Bust in here and take it? You must be stupider than you look.
- Homer: Stupider like a fox!
- Jebediah Springfield: People, our search is over! On this site we shall build a new town where we can worship freely, govern justly, and grow vast fields of hemp for making rope and blankets.
- Shelbyville Manhattan: Yes! And marry our cousins.
- Jebediah Springfield: I was- wha... what are you talking about, Shelbyville? Why would we want to marry our cousins?
- Shelbyville Manhattan: Because they're so attractive. I... I thought that was the whole point of this journey.
- Jebediah Springfield: Absolutely not!
- Shelbyville Manhattan: I tell you, I won't live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins!
- Homer: [as the group is sneaking into the car impound lot to recover the lemon tree, Trojan Horse style] No one in history has ever done anything this clever!
- Bart Simpson: Hey Milhouse, how's the lemonade business?
- Milhouse: It's clearly booming, Bart.
- Lisa: I don't even want any, I just bought a pity glass.
- Milhouse: Gasp! We've squozen our whole supply. To the lemon tree!
- Bart Simpson: Oh, it's no use I'm never gonna find that tree, this whole raid was a useless as that yellow lemon shaped rock over there. Wait a minute, there's a lemon behind that rock, the tree!
- Bart: Eat my shorts, Shelbyville!
- Homer, Bart: Eat my shorts!
- Ned Flanders: Yes, eat all of our shirts!
- Shelby's Dad: Don't you get it, Springfield? It's over. You lose. Now, if you'll excuse me, all this talk has made me hungry.
- [He bites into a lemon and tries to keep a straight face]