All in the Family (TV Series)

Gloria Sings the Blues (1974)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! What are you doin' here?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : What?

  Archie Bunker : What about the other foot? There ain't no sock on it.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I'll get to it.

  Archie Bunker : Don't you know that the whole world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I like to take care of one foot at a time.

  Archie Bunker : That's the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : It's just as quick my way.

  Archie Bunker : Wait a minute. That ain't the point. You see what I... Don't, don't keep doing it! Listen to me. Suppose there's a fire in the house and you gotta run for your life. Your way, all you got on is one shoe and a sock. My way, you got on a sock and a sock. You see, you're even.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Suppose it's raining and snowing outside. Your way, with a sock on each foot, my feet would get wet. My way, with a sock and a shoe on one foot, I could hop around and stay dry.

  Archie Bunker : I think you've been hoppin' around on your head. Hey, wait a... Listen to me. Supposin' your other sock's got a hole in it.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : It doesn't have a hole in it.

  Archie Bunker : I said, supposing it's got a hole.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : All right, suppose it has a hole.

  Archie Bunker : All right, it's got a hole in it, so, you ain't got another matching pair, so what are you gonna do? Your way, you gotta take off a whole shoe and a sock. My way, all you gotta do is take off one sock.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : All right, if it'll make you happy, I'll start all over again.

  Archie Bunker : No, no, no! You're halfway through, now, gee, get on with it, we're in a hurry. You can start doin' it the right way tomorrow morning. And do it that way for the rest of your life!

• Archie Bunker : [watching Mike sleep]  Rip Van Meathead.

• Edith Bunker : Where's Gloria?

  Archie Bunker : Aw, jeez, she's upstairs cryin' her eyes out.

  Edith Bunker : Oh, my. What happened?

  Archie Bunker : I don't know. I told her to go on in and help you set the table and the waterworks started.

  Edith Bunker : Oh, somethin's botherin' her.

  Archie Bunker : She put me in mind of you when you was goin' through the change.

  Edith Bunker : Oh, Archie, I think she's too young for that.

  Archie Bunker : Gee, thanks for straightenin' me out, Edith. Whatever it is, this is your fault, this here. You shoulda talked to her about this.

  Edith Bunker : How could I when I didn't know it was gonna happen?

  Archie Bunker : I'm talkin' about years ago. You shoulda took your daughter aside. You shoulda said to her 'Gloria, there are gonna be times when you're gonna be a pain in the neck and you're gonna upset your father. Don't never do that.'

  Edith Bunker : Oh, all right.

• Archie Bunker : Imagine a daughter sayin' them things to her mother and father.

  Edith Bunker : I don't think that was Gloria talkin'.

  Archie Bunker : Oh, gee, what, the devil make 'er do it? Maybe we oughta get one of them priests in to exercise with 'er.