- Tom Servo: [Upon seeing the name "Temple Foster"] Ah, Temple Foster, where they worship Australian beer.
- Crow: So Mike, if you're in a plane crash and you're a girl, you instantly become helpless and sex hungered, and you murmer a lot?
- Mike Nelson: Well there's only one way to find out.
- [Mike takes the SOL down and the three start doing a spoof on the plane crash in "Horrors of Spider Island." After the crash, everyone is dressed up as a girl]
- Pearl Forrester: Mike, I'm sorry. I should have told you we were moving the castle. I didn't mean to leave you home alone. Well, anyway, we had to. I finally got sick of paying fifty bucks a year for my monkey license.
- Tom Servo: [the movie is distributed by Pacemaker Pictures, Inc] Ironically, they used a lot of microwave ovens and metal detectors during this movie.
- Tom Servo: [as Gary, who calls the girls over to get some water] Best way to get it is to lick it off my chest
- Mike Nelson: [as everyone dances in the movie] This is how I view the world. Everyone else is out doing this while I sit in my underwear eating a toasted cheese sandwich and drinking a nice beer.
- Crow: Pretty accurate.
- Tom Servo: Maybe I've always just misunderstood what spiders are. They're large hairy bipeds with pants.