- [last lines]
- Cartman: [sitting in a lawn chair in front of the Stotch's house, listening to Butters getting beaten by his parents] Oh, man, if I was older I would totally start jacking off right now.
- Cartman: [pretending to be Butters on the phone] No, I'm not watching television, dad. I'm just lying around jackin' it. My hot spicy boner, of course.
- [the citizens of South Park are about to hang Jared]
- Stan Marsh: Stop!
- Chef: Stay back, children! Jared wants to give you all AIDS!
- Stan Marsh: No, you don't understand. Jared doesn't have AIDS aides! He has assistants! Two guys who help him out that he calls his aides!
- Mayor McDaniels: Oh! So Jared's aides are like my aides?
- Jared Fogle: Yes! You mean you thought I meant? Oh my god!
- Chef: So what he was really saying was that children should have the same kind of help that he did.
- Kyle Broflovski: [Butters is frightened and in pain as the boys crank out his body fat in a crude home liposuction] You've got to lose that weight, Butters! How else are we going to make that City Wok commercial?
- Cartman: [Butters keeps whining] Shut up, Butters. God! Kenny would have taken it like a man.
- Cartman: Oh, my God - you guys: I think I'm having a genius moment. Yes! Yes! It's coming to me now!
- [rubbing his belly with both hands]
- Stan Marsh: Is that - that's diarrhea.
- Linda Stotch: Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset.
- Cartman: [impersonating butters] Yeah, well Dad's being a little pussy, Mom.
- Linda Stotch: Butters! Where did you get that kind of smart mouth?
- Cartman: [impersonating Butters] Uh, not from you dumbasses, that's for sure.
- Chris Stotch: Butters, are you having liposuction surgery? Tell me the truth.
- Butters Stotch: Yes sir.
- Linda Stotch: This is unbelievable! How many times have we told you never to have self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?
- Butters Stotch: Four times, Mom.
- Butters Stotch: Well, you guys have already got me in Dutch for gettin' fat, and then I got in double Dutch for havin' liposuction, and now you're askin' me to be in triple Dutch? Huh-uh, I'll never be that Dutch!
- Chef: Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him.
- Stan Marsh: Marry him?
- Chef: It definitely worked for every woman I ever met.
- Stan Marsh: It's only in America that somebody can become famous just because they go from being a big fat ass to not being a big fat ass.
- Cartman: I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big boned.. You can't slim down bones, stupid!