- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: All right, all right, Gloria! You want me to kiss you for an hour? I'll kiss you for an hour! But I'm gonna tell you right now, Gloria: I'm not going to enjoy it!
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: NEITHER AM I!
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: GOOD! LET'S GO!
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Will you please tell me what I did?
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: You left the seat up again.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: I'm sorry.
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: That's what you always say, 'I'm sorry'.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Aw, Gloria. Seat's up, the seat's down, what's the difference?
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: When you're a girl, there's a BIG difference. I don't know why you could never remember to put the seat down. Other husbands do.
- Edith Bunker: Oh, Archie don't. He says that's woman's work.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Gloria, haven't you ever heard of poetic license?
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: This kind of poetry doesn't deserve a license.