- [first lines]
- Narrator: On the dark Arctic Seas, a lone ship battles against blizzards, but on board is one who will freeze your blood faster than any icy wind, yes, it is Count Duckula, on a strange and sinister quest.
- Count Duckula: [singing] A life on the ocean waves, a life on the ocean waves!
- Count Duckula: I suppose we're lucky to have found this ship so quickly.
- Igor: Mm, quite so, sir, but I-, I must say I don't like the look of the crew.
- Count Duckula: I don't like the smell of them either; I bet they've never heard of soap.
- Captain Penguin: 'Course I've heard of soap, I eats a bar a week whether I needs it or not, ha-harr!
- Igor: [points to map] Look here, captain, the master has cleverly worked out where we can find the Castle Duckula.
- Count Duckula: Yes, by my calculations, it should be just...
- [points to map]
- Count Duckula: *here*!
- Captain Penguin: But that be the South Seas, sir! There be nothing but water down there, sir. Warm, mile upon mile of water, a man can go mad down there, sir. Mad, I tell ye, mad. Mad!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Count Duckula: Well, you muyst have been down there quite a bit!
- Count Duckula: Here, Igor, I don't know how you could just lose a castle.
- Igor: *Me*, sir? I hardly think I'm to blame, *you* were the one -
- Count Duckula: All right, all right, I must have said it wrong. But you must have left off the safety hatch.
- Igor: Me, sir? Oh no, sir, I was doing something dastardly with sulphur in the cellar. It was probably Nanny at the -
- Count Duckula: Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame poor Nanny.
- Igor: Actually, sir it is *very* easy to blame Nanny.
- Count Duckula: Well, let's do that, then.
- Count Duckula, Igor: Nanny!
- Nanny: [breaks out from under the deck] Ooh, I'll be glad to get back to our nice kitchen at home. How can you make a cup of tea in a silly little kitchen like that?
- Count Duckula: Well, Nannym, if you hadn't lost the castle -
- Nanny: Me lost the castle?
- Igor: You see, she admits it.