- Homer: Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this anymore. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you - especially his children. I'm going out there!
- [goes out, slams door behind him, then pops his head back in]
- Homer: It was a baby ox.
- Moe: He's right, you know.
- Principal Skinner: [surprised] About the ox?
- Moe: About everything, dammit! Hey Homer, wait up. I want to die too.
- Apu: If you are going, I am going.
- Barney Gumble: Me too!
- [everyone assents and leaves]
- Lisa: It blew up the bridge! We're doomed!
- Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [running down the street, crazes] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! AAAHHH!
- Professor Frink: Gu'hey, good evening, everyone...
- Man in Audience: [stands up and yells] Quit stalling! What's the plan!
- Professor Frink: Alright just take your seat, just take your seat.
- Principal Skinner: And now to find out who did this... Bart, empty your pockets!
- Bart: Empty my pockets, you say? Well, certainly, but I fail to see...
- Principal Skinner: [looking through the contents] Blueprints of the dummy... notarized photos of you making the dummy... and an alternate wording for the banner, "Buttzilla."
- Principal Skinner: I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
- Bart: And you've never found anything?
- Principal Skinner: Once, but by the time I got to a phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek. I got back at him, though. Him and that little boy of his.
- Bart: [about constellations] Who names these things anyway?
- Principal Skinner: Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
- Bart: And you've never found anything?
- Principal Skinner: Once... but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek...
- [a cloud covers the moon; ominous music plays]
- Principal Skinner: I got back at him, though... him and that little *boy* of his.
- [cloud passes; music ends]
- Principal Skinner: Anyway, that's why I always keep a cellular phone next to me.
- Kent Brockman: Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. Doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are gay.
- [a list flashes by hurriedly]
- Marge Simpson: Turn it off!
- Homer: [copying down the list quickly] Just a second...
- Homer: [at dinner] ... and then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate.
- Lisa: Sounds like you had a good day today, Dad.
- Homer: Yeah... except I forgot to go to work.
- [everyone looks at him silently]
- Marge Simpson: What did you do today, Bart?
- Bart: What didn't I do?
- [hands his mother a newspaper]
- Marge Simpson: [reading] "Boy Discovers Comet"...
- Lisa: What?
- Marge Simpson: "A young Springfieldianite has discovered a new comet to be known as the 'Bart Simpson Comet'." Oh honey, I'm so proud of you!
- Bart: But then, you've *always* been proud of me.
- Marge Simpson: [pauses] Yes...
- Principal Skinner: [noticing Bart with his cell phone] What are you doing? Give me that phone!
- Woman at Observatory: Congratulations, Bart. You've just discovered a comet.
- Principal Skinner: [letting go of the weather balloon] NOOO!
- Principal Skinner: [realizing the balloon just slipped from his grasp] NOOOO!
- Principal Skinner: [a newspaper reads "Prez Sez School is For Losers"] NOOOOO!
- Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution I've picketed against is what burned up the comet.
- Abe Simpson: Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain't been blown for nigh onto three years.
- Jasper: Tsk, tsk, tsk... trouble abrewing.