- [Ted not knowing the real deal]
- Ted: Ok, look. Mary. I like you a lot. I'm sort of amazed at how much I like you, but... I can't do this, You're a hooker.
- Mary: What?
- Ted: Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm sorry. That's a deal breaker for me. I'm not going to have sex with a prostitute.
- Mary: Ted, I'm a paralegal.
- Ted: C'mon Mary. There's no-one else around. You're a hooker.
- Mary: No, Ted. I'm a paralegal.
- Ted: No... You're a hooker.
- Mary: No... I'm a paralegal.
- [Ted, pausing, realisation, consternation]
- Ted: You're a paralegal.
- [Mary raises eyebrow]
- Barney: What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession!
- Marshall Eriksen: You really think that's true?
- Barney: Ohh, yeah. I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers like, an extra fish for putting out.
- Marshall Eriksen: Uh huh, so then the oldest profession would be fisherman. Kaboom! You've been lawyered.
- Mary: You know that seen in Empire when they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head? Do you think that's how Sandy gets his hair on in the morning?