- Bunny Mather: [Both gleeful] Ah, Christmas. It's such a wonderful time of year, isn't it?
- Antonio Scarpacci: It's magical.
- Bunny Mather: Making angels in the snow...
- Antonio Scarpacci: Listening to carolers...
- Bunny Mather: Decorating the tree...
- Antonio Scarpacci: Watching "It's a Wonderful Life"...
- Bunny Mather: Being downtown with all the lights and the decorations and seeing all the...
- [slowly somber]
- Bunny Mather: happy couples walking hand in hand.
- Antonio Scarpacci: [increasingly depressed] Sitting alone at midnight mass.
- Bunny Mather: Opening the Christmas present you bought for yourself and trying to look surprised.
- Antonio Scarpacci: Watching "It's a Wonderful Life" again, wondering why Jimmy Stewart didn't jump off that bridge sooner.
- Bunny Mather: I hate Christmas!
- Antonio Scarpacci: It sucks!
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [Brian is dressed in pajamas in the office. Joe kids him] What are you doing up at this time of night? Did you have another accident?
- Brian Michael Hackett: I needed pajamas. I wanted to see if they would fit. I can't very well walk around Alex's parents' house in my underwear, can I?
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [mockingly] No, that would look silly. Unlike a grown man with little kitties on his jammies.
- Brian Michael Hackett: It's Christmas. The pickings were really slim. It was either these or, these with feet.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Those are definitely you.
- Lowell Mather: [Lowell, dressed as Santa, has Antonio, dressed as an elf, sit on his lap] Now then, just tell old Santa Claus what you want for Christmas.
- Antonio Scarpacci: Forgiveness from God.
- Lowell Mather: [confused] How 'bout a train set?
- Helen Chapel: [Helen approaches Joe and his sickly Christmas tree] Change of plans, Joe. Rudolph the red-nosed nutcase wants the tree downstairs.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: [choked up] I don't think it's well enough to make the trip.
- Helen Chapel: Wow, what happened to it? It looked so good yesterday.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: I don't know. It took a turn for the worse during the night.
- Helen Chapel: Guess we should get a new tree.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: No. No, it'll be fine.
- Helen Chapel: Joe, I think it's time.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Time for what?
- Helen Chapel: To pull the plug.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: ...Yeah, you're right. It's probably for the best.
- Roy Biggins: [Joe unplugs the Christmas tree lights. They hang their heads solemnly] You did the right thing, Hackett. If it had lived, it would have been a total vegetable. I'll go notify its next of kindling.