- Operator Recording: Your responses indicate you own a burnt sienna, mid-century Dodge with 800,000 miles. To verify this information, Press 1.
- [Al presses 1]
- Operator Recording: Hello, Mr. Bundy.
- Kelly Bundy: [when Bud comes down dressed as a cowboy] Let me guess, Billy Ray Bundy.
- Bud Bundy: Damn straight, missy. Country is in.
- Kelly Bundy: Well, then what country are you?
- Bud Bundy: I'm going to ignore that, human peep show, because this will work. Now, I've chewed my weight in Red Man. I've learned my country sayings like "ornery" and "I thought you was 18." So, as I live and barely breathe in these jeans, I'll be ridin' the country charts tonight.
- [Al enters the house after Bud left dressed as a cowboy]
- Al Bundy: Peg, I must be hallucinating. I could've swore that, uh, Yosemite Sam just passed me.
- Peggy Bundy: That was Bud.
- Al Bundy: Oh, then it must be fall.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Well, Peggy, don't worry. I'm sure all Bud needs is a man to talk to.
- [looks around]
- Marcy D'Arcy: Where can we find one? Where can we find one? Al, have you seen a man?
- Al Bundy: No, but I've seen a woman who can make one sterile.
- Bud Bundy: It's me.
- Cool Bud: No. It's not you. Let's chat, shall we?
- Bud Bundy: Well, what do you mean you're not me? I mean, you look just like me.
- Cool Bud: Hey, don't insult me, all right? I'm not you. Well, actually, I'm part of you. I'm the part of you that's cool. You're the rest.
- Bud Bundy: Well, why are you here?
- Cool Bud: Because I can't stand it anymore. I mean, every year you trot me out to the ladies, full of hopes, and every year we come back with your tail between my legs. I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life down here in this basement. So I'm here to teach you to be cool.
- Bud Bundy: Mommy!
- Cool Bud: Oh, this is going to be easy.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Look, uh, Peggy, maybe you're overreacting.
- Marcy D'Arcy: You know, he's right. Maybe Bud's just going through a normal phase.
- Bud Bundy: [from the basement] Don't talk to me that way, Bud Bundy!
- Cool Bud: Who are you calling Bud Bundy?
- Marcy D'Arcy: [to Peggy] Maybe you should just seal him up now and cut your losses.