- Stewie Griffin: You will not call them Mommy and Daddy! It's Lois and the Fat Man, do you understand me?
- Stewie Griffin: All right, that's it! I could handle the crappy apartment and the pedestrian job, but now you're telling me I'm a 35 year-old ''Parade'' magazine reading virgin? Well you sir are pathetic! So forget about sending me back, because I'm not leaving until we do a complete overhaul on this sad thing you call "our life"!
- Brian Griffin: [Heaven] Look at us! Who'd have thought I'd ever be hanging out with Hemmingway, Van Gogh and Cobain! How'd you all end up here?
- Ernest Hemmingway: Well, I collapsed under the weight of my own genius, and so I shot myself.
- Kurt Cobain: I didn't want my music to become part of some Corporate Mechanism, so I shot myself.
- Vincent Van Gogh: I couldn't reconcile the beauty of the World with the way people around me were living, so I shot myself.
- Brian Griffin: ...I got into the garbage and ate some chocolate.
- Vanessa: Screw him, that fuckin' kid's from Guam. Probably only speaks Spanish or some shit.
- Stewie Griffin: Let me tell you something, Nessa. A bullet sounds the same in every language. So stick a fucking sock in it, you cow!
- Stewie Griffin: I ... I'm sorry. That's never happened to me before.
- Fran: Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the forty minutes of crying?
- Stewie Griffin: Ah, I guess both. Do I ... do I give you money or something?
- Fran: Yeah, I'm gonna go.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, hey, did they ever unfreeze Walt Disney?
- Stewie Griffin: [future self] Unfortunately.
- Returnee Man: Welcome back, Mr. Disney.
- Walt Disney: Are the Jews gone yet?
- Returnee Man: Ahh... no.
- Walt Disney: Put me back in.