The Addams Family (TV Series)

My Son, the Chimp (1965)

Carolyn Jones: Morticia Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : A message from Pugsley!

  Gomez Addams : Airmail.

  Morticia Addams : But why didn't he come himself? He can't make it.

  Gomez Addams : Nonsense, my dear, it's nothing more se- Great Scott this is serious!

  Morticia Addams : I knew it! Tell me. No, don't tell me. Oh yes, do tell me, I must know the worst.

  Gomez Addams : The Green Avenger's being threatened by the Venusian Zorax' deadly Zeta beam radiation. The only form of energy that can penetrate his plastic screen!

• [Gomez, doing a bit of indoor fishing, appraises his latest catch] 

  Gomez Addams : Strangest fish I ever saw!

  Morticia Addams : Darling, it's Mama's dress shoe!

  Gomez Addams : Ah, so it is... Ah, still, it's the biggest thing I ever caught. Two pounds if it's an ounce. An indoor record!

• Morticia Addams : [told the chimpanzee is her son]  No, I absolutely refuse to believe that that... Gomez? Look. He has that same lovely low brow as... you-know-who.

  Gomez Addams : Yeah, and that same fine prehistoric jawline.

  Chimpanzee : Oo, oo, oo, oo.

  Morticia Addams : Oh, it is Pugsley. I know that voice anywhere.

• Morticia Addams : Mama, guess what?

  Grandmama Addams : Oh, no time for riddles. I'm cookin' gopher goulash for dinner and, I'll tell you, it's more trouble than it's worth. I can't find half the things I need.

• Morticia Addams : Now, please don't dawdle in changing Pugsley back. He has homework to do, too.

• [Fester prepares a seance to restore Pugsley] 

  Uncle Fester : Now, you may as well know, I have been in touch with the spirits.

  Morticia Addams : Ah, well, a little drink now and then never hurt anyone.

  Uncle Fester : The spirits of the astral plane I'm talking about.

  Gomez Addams : Oh, one of those champaign flights, ay, Fester?

  Uncle Fester : [vexed]  Very funny.

• Uncle Fester : [in a ghostly voice]  Oh, spirits of the astral plane, give us a sign. Is Pugsley there? Rap once for yes and twice for no.

  Morticia Addams : And ask him if he's all right.

  [From inside the secret room, Pugsley hears them] 

  Uncle Fester : You're mother wants to know if you're all right. Rap three times for yes and four times for no. No, you better make that twice for yes and three times for no.

  [Pugsley counts his fingers in trying to figure how to respond, then just gives a loud whistle] 

• [Thing engages the others in a game of charades to try telling them where he's found Pugsley] 

  Morticia Addams : I think he's trying to tell us something.

  Gomez Addams : What is it, Thing? Something we should know?

  Grandmama Addams : Is it smaller than a coffin?

  Morticia Addams : Larger than a tsetse fly?

  Gomez Addams : Is it the title of a song?

  Morticia Addams : Oh, this is fun. I mean, it would be if Pugsley were here. Is it someone we know?

  Uncle Fester : How many syllables?

  Gomez Addams : Two syllables. Ah, ha... Whom do we know with two syllables? First syllable. Sounds like.

  [Thing slugs the air] 

  Morticia Addams : Fight?

  Grandmama Addams : Fighting.

  Gomez Addams : Fight-er!

  Morticia Addams : Pugilist.

  Gomez Addams : Pug! Pug... Pug... Ahhh... It just doesn't seem to ring a bell.

• [Now Uncle Fester has disappeared. Morticia goes to the crystal ball to communicate] 

  Morticia Addams : Uncle Fester, we can hear you but faintly? Can you hear us? Scream once for yes and twice for no. Better make that one scream and two raps for no and two screams and one whistle for yes.

  Uncle Fester : [to himself]  Ah, forget it.

• Gomez Addams : Uncle Fester hasn't stopped eating since he clawed his way out of that secret room.

  Morticia Addams : Well, three days without food does tend to sharpen one's appetite.

• Gomez Addams : By George, I was right. My Great-Aunt Deleria was engaged to a chimpanzee. Here they are.

  Morticia Addams : [looking at Gomez's family album]  Lovely couple!

  Gomez Addams : Too bad he jilted her.