- David Bowie: [sings] The little fat man who sold his soul...
- Andy Millman: The little?
- David Bowie: [sings] Little fat man who sold his dream... Chubby little loser...
- David Bowie: [turns round and plays piano] Chubby little loser... National joke...
- David Bowie: [stops singing] No, not chubby little loser...
- David Bowie: [sings] Pathetic little fat man... No one's bloody laughing...
- David Bowie: [sings] The clown that no one laughs at... They all just wish he'd die...
- David Bowie: [sings] He's so depressed at being useless... The fat man takes his own life...
- David Bowie: [stops singing] No, no
- David Bowie: [sings] He's so depressed at being hated... Fatty takes his own life...
- David Bowie: [stops singing] Fatty? Fatso?
- Maggie Jacobs: Fatso, I like fatso
- David Bowie: Yeah, let's go with fatso
- David Bowie: [sings] Fatso take his own life... He blows his bloated face off
- David Bowie: [stops singing] No
- David Bowie: [sings] He blows his stupid brains out
- Linda: But the twat'd probabably miss!
- David Bowie: [stops singing] Yes, Linda, I like that!
- Andy Millman: Yes, so do I. It's brilliant Linda.
- David Bowie: [sings] He sold his soul for a shot at fame... Catchprase and wig and the jokes are lame...
- David Bowie: [sings] He's got no style, he's got no grace... He's banal and facile... He's a fat waste of space...
- David Bowie: [stops singing] Yeah, yeah. Everybody sing that last line. One, two, three...
- David Bowie: [sings] He's banal and facile... He's a fat waste of space... See his pug-nosed face... pug, pug, pug, pug
- David Bowie: [stops singing] Again!
- David Bowie: [sings] See his pug-nose face... pug, pug, pug, pug. The little fat man with the pug-nosed face... Yeah! pug, pug, pug, pug. Little fat man... pug-nosed face... pug, pug, pug, pug...
- Obsessive Fan: Hellooooo!
- Agent: Hello, mate. Alright, how's it going? Darren Lamb, Agent. Nice to meet you.
- Obsessive Fan: This is my girlfriend Julie.
- Barry: Hey, Julie.
- Obsessive Fan: I recognize you.
- Barry: Yes. Possibly.
- Obsessive Fan: You did my mom's guttering, didn't you?
- Barry: Maybe, yeah. Wh- where does she live?
- Obsessive Fan: Amdol Corbs at the BP garage.
- Agent: What's this? You didn't tell me anything about this. What's going on here? How much do you get paid for that?
- Barry: Not much.
- Obsessive Fan: Well it's 200 quid. Mum said he did such a good job she gave him a 20 pound tip.
- Agent: 220 quid?
- Barry: I don't have to tell you everything.
- Agent: Oh no no. You don't have to tell me everything. Although i notice you're happy to tell me when you are sleeping in your car and you need somewhere to have a bath. Then you can't keep your mouth shut. But this you're keeping schtum about.
- Barry: You're supposed to be my agent for acting, not bloody artexing or whatever else.
- Agent: Rumbled! Rumbled! He said guttering! Now it's Artexing. What else you keeping from me? I can't- I'm appalled. This is scandalous, Barry. Such a slap in the face.
- Obsessive Fan: Do you do roofing?
- Agent: Do you want- do you need some roofing done? He'll do roofing.
- Barry: No, it's too dangerous. I'm not- I'm not...
- Agent: Oh I'm sorry. You're turning down work now, are you? I'm sorry. It seems that beggars can be choosers, my mistake.
- [watching an episode of "When the Whistle Blows" on TV]
- Andy Millman: It's bad.
- Agent: It's not BAD, is it.
- Andy Millman: It is.
- Agent: No, "bad" suggests that, you know, it's evil or something. You know, it's not - It's poor... it's rubbish... you know, it's shit - it's a shit sitcom.
- Andy Millman: It's a shitcom! Oh, we've sorted that out, thanks very much. That's the career over.
- Agent: That's what one of the reviewers said!
- Darren Lamb: [Barry and Darren is standing at a designer bar's counter, Darren is scoping the room. Barry is facing away from Darren, and takes a sip off his cocktail, winces at its strength. Excitedly, to Barry's back] Barry, don't look round a'right... there's a couple of birds, a'right, without drinks.
- [pleased with himself]
- Darren Lamb: I think you know what to do.
- Barry: [knowingly] Oh yes...
- [turns to the bartender, calls him over]
- Barry: Excuse me, uh... there's a couple of girls over there not drinking, so... I think you should tell them to either buy something or get out.
- Darren Lamb: [trying to interject, talks to the barman] Sor, no... sorry, that's a mistake. No, that's not what I meant, sorry.
- [puts his hands on Barry's shoulders, to Barry]
- Darren Lamb: No, what I meant was, 'buy 'em some drinks', that's an 'in', isn't it, so we can start a conver...
- Barry: [to Darren, frazzled and confused] I thought you were worried that they were taking up valuable space and costing 'em money?
- Darren Lamb: Why would that concern me? It's not my concern!
- Barry: [argumentatively] The man is running a business, the overhead is probably extortionate!
- Darren Lamb: He probably makes a lot of money on food!
- Barry: No no no, don't give me that. There's twenty pubs a day closing down in this country, and its due to people like that.
- [points at the girls who don't have drinks]
- Barry: Alright?