- [talking to his dog]
- Peter Kingdom: I've got some of those bacon-flavoured treats - you like those. As a matter of fact, you like them better than you like bacon, which is very 21st Century of you.
- [Sidney Snell is showing Peter and Lyle some long wooden poles. Lyle is trying to guess what they are used for: he wonders whether you grow fruit trees up them]
- Peter Kingdom: No, these are for dykes.
- [Lyle sniggers, then wonders if Peter is being serious]
- Lyle Anderson: [bewildered] What? Lesbian pole dancing?
- Lyle Anderson: Why aren't you in court with Miss Shevchenko?
- Peter Kingdom: Because, my dear Lyle, in my experience the Law is something we lawyers should avoid at all cost. I can't stand the sight of blood. Courts are to lawyers what operating theatres are to doctors - best try other remedies first.