- Daisuke Jigen: I think old tight-ass has fallen in love.
- Arsène Lupin III: Well, stranger things have happened.
- Arsène Lupin III: Normally I wouldn't require a request to identify myself, but I took my very first bath in the river Seine and I'm quite well known at the Ritz Hotel. I run an internationally known robbery business and I've earned a well-deserved reputation as a master thief. I am... Hi-ya... Lupin the Third, at your service!
- Daisuke Jigen: Next up is a master of the Magnum. I can shoot around corners and in the dark. Wanna stay healthy? Don't make fun of my hat. I'm cool enough to give Dirty Harry a good scare. My reputation for misogyny is legendary.
- [fires his gun]
- Daisuke Jigen: Name's Daisuke Jigen and I don't take no crap!
- Fujiko Mine: Now a beautiful woman whose breasts that have been apply compared to Twin Peaks. I've also been blessed with a naturally cute face. I'm quite adept at using them both for purposes of robbery and racketeering. I'm Fujiko Mine.
- [blows kiss]
- Fujiko Mine: Legendary femme fatale.
- Goemon Ishikawa XIII: The next one up is back from the dead. I've returned from hell with a bloody sword to avenge the wrongs that have been done to me. I'm just a common, run-of-the-mill thief, nothing special. They call me Goemon Ishikawa because...
- [slashes sword]
- Goemon Ishikawa XIII: That is my name.
- Inspector Kouichi Zenigata: Bringing up the rear, it is I, Interpol's heartthrob. My style is clean-cut and righteous. I go to work everyday, risking my life to capture Lupin. I live and die for justice. I'm Inspector Zenigata. What the...
- [accidentally hits himself with his handcuffs]
- Arsène Lupin III: Think of us then as a flock of five wild geese.
- Daisuke Jigen: Of four ganders...
- Fujiko Mine: And one beautiful goose.
- Goemon Ishikawa XIII: And although the sight of us may be a little shocking...
- Inspector Kouichi Zenigata: It is known far and wide...
- Arsène Lupin III: We are... the... Better Five than You!
- Daisuke Jigen: The next up is a fast curve and a random shooter of a .44 Magnum. Well known for being a cool guy, I'd give Dirty Harry a good scare. I'm in the market as a woman-hater. I'm Daisuke Jigen.
- Inspector Kouichi Zenigata: [remembering his duty] Wait, Lupin! You're under arrest!
- [He jumps off the stage and lands in a pool of water. The curtain closes and Lupin emerges at the front of the stage]
- Arsène Lupin III: [doing a mie pose] Pops, I refuse to let you arrest me!