How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Slap Bet (2006)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Robin Scherbatsky : My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.
Barney : They speak French there too? God, that country's messed up.
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Barney : [Watching the Robin Sparkles "Let's Go to the Mall" video] Did you have to laugh like that every time?
Robin Scherbatsky : [Flatly] Yes.
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[Barney is complaining about having to watch all the Canadian porn he can find in order to prove Robin has a past in pornography, therefore winning the slap bet]
Lily : Oh, like you need an excuse to watch porn.
Barney : *Canadian* porn! Trust me when I tell you that their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go *oot* of my mind.
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Barney : Do you want to know what Robin's secret is?
Ted Mosby : You know?
Barney : Of course I know. She couldn't look at us, her face got flushed- that's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do PORN, wait for it...
Barney : ...OGRAPHY!
Ted Mosby : Yeah, we didn't really need to wait for that.
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Ted Mosby : Wha... I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
Barney : Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
Marshall : The "Ohhh..." moment?
Barney : Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker.
[Flashback to Barney with different girls]
Girl #1 : It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.
Barney : Ohhhh...
Girl #2 : I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!
Barney : Ohhhh...
Girl #3 : I just turned 30.
Barney : Ohhhhhh...
Barney : [Back to present] So trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible
Ted Mosby : Hmm... I disagree. If there's some potential "Ohhh..." moment, I wanna know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative?
[Flash to Robin and Ted at the altar]
Reverend Rob : I now pronounce you man and wife.
Ted Mosby : I love you.
Robin Scherbatsky : I used to be a dude.
Ted Mosby : Ohhhhhh...
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Lily : [after Ted tells the gang that Robin was married in Canada] Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?
Ted Mosby : See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?
Barney : I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.
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Barney : I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you
Lily : Try me.
Barney : Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?
Lily : Doggie ate his pants. Yep.
Barney : Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.
Lily : Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?
Barney : Wow. Okay. Seattle.
Lily : Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch.
Barney : Damn.
Marshall : I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.