Brüno (2009)
Sacha Baron Cohen: Brüno
Photos
Quotes
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Brüno : Ich was going to be the biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler.
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Drill Sergeant : Your finger's in my alley.
Brüno : Not yet.
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Brüno : Ich was going to become famous by solving a world problem! But which one? Clooney's got Darfur, Sting's got the Amazon, and Bono's got AIDS! Luckily, there was still one shithole left to fix: the Middle Earth.
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Ron Paul : [after Brüno drops his pants] All right, get out of here! This is ended.
Ron Paul : [later, in the hallway] That guy's queerer than the blazes. He took his clothes off. Let's get goin'. He's queer, he's crazy, he put a hit on me and took his clothes off.
Brüno : [narrating] I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.
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Brüno : Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard or a homeless Santa.
Self - Terrorist Group Leader, Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade : What exactly did he just say?
Translator : He says that your King Osama looks like a dirty wizard... or a homeless Santa Claus.
Self - Terrorist Group Leader, Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade : [Speaks in Arabic]
Translator : Get out. Get out now!
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Brüno : [standing naked outside of tent] Donny, let me in your tent. A bear stole all of my clothes... except for these condoms.
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Brüno : [referring to a woman's breasts] You must produce a lot of milk.
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Brüno : How do you protect yourself from a dildo?
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Elton John : [singing] War's just based on hate and fear / Stop fighting, North and South Korea.
Brüno : [singing] You're both basically Chinese.
Chris Martin : [singing] He's Brüno, dove of peace.
Snoop Dogg : [rapping] Hey, yo Brüno, where the bitches at?
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Brüno : We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!
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Brüno : I wouldn't want to wake up and find that I'm torn in my arschenholer.
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Self - Talkshow Host : And you chose to dress that baby up in a t-shirt that says what?
Brüno : Gayby.
Self - Talkshow Host : That's not the baby's name, is it?
Brüno : No. I gave him like a traditional African name.
Self - Talkshow Host : So what's the baby's name?
Brüno : O.J.
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Brüno : [about his baby, O.J] I've gotta be honest: he's a real dick magnet.
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Brüno : Looking up at the stars makes me think of all the hot guys in the world.
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Brüno : Look me in the eye.
Angry Swinger : This is a fuckin' swingers' party. OK? If you don't want pussy, if you don't want fuckin'... then quit fuckin' touching me and quit looking at me. I definitely ain't lookin' at you in the eye. OK? I didn't come here for no fuckin' queer shit, OK? I know what you're doin'.
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PR Consultant : Is there something that you, like, that you believe in, like...
Brüno : Well, I'm really into issues.
PR Consultant : Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse, so...
Brüno : Great!
PR Consultant : That would be, that's something to get involved now, so... we can just help East, uh, Africa in order to help for our future in order for everyone... that's a beneficial thing to be involved with now.
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National Guard Officer : By the way, where's your uniform? Go get your uniform on. Do it!
Brüno : [Brüno returns with a scarf on]
National Guard Officer : Oh my god. What's up with the scarf?
Brüno : That is like... it's my own...
National Guard Officer : [Interrupts] Let me introduce you to somebody. Captain Miles!
Captain Miles : [Walks towards Brüno] Candidate, what are you doing? Stand into position of attention, candidate!
National Guard Officer : Do it!
Captain Miles : Head and eyes straight forwards, candidate!
National Guard Officer : Do it!
Captain Miles : Head and eyes straight forward!
National Guard Officer : Do it!
Captain Miles : Stand still, candidate!
National Guard Officer : Do it!
Captain Miles : That is not part of the uniform, candidate. You need to take that off.
Brüno : This outfit is to matchy-matchy as it is. And so I was just trying to break it up with some simple horizontal lines.
Captain Miles : Do you have an attitude, candidate?
Brüno : No but, sir...!
National Guard Officer : I think we do...
Brüno : Sir, she's got an attitude!
National Guard Officer : Not sir, officer candidate!
Captain Miles : What?
National Guard Officer : Did you just call me a she? Get down!
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Brüno : [after eating numerous pieces of pie] I'm committing carbicide.
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Brüno : It's just this bear took my clothes. He took everything apart from these condoms.
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Dominatrix : What is this? You're gonna dress me like a man?
Brüno : No, it's just a beard.
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Hotel Manager : No. This is not what was supposed to be going on in here.
Brüno : You're telling me, honey. I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegian with a PhD in sucking dick.
Hotel Manager : That's not my concern.
Brüno : Okay, well, listen, one other thing. Can you switch off the television? Because I made a fart, and I am on the verge of buying Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.
Hotel Manager : That's unfortunate.
Brüno : No, but I refuse to pay for Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. I did not press it.
Hotel Manager : No, I'm afraid we are not gonna be doing that.
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Brüno : So... if they are nice they are gay, right?
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Cop : What's going on here?
Brüno : What does it look like, Paul Blart?