- [Davis has been fired from DRPD by Mayor Emma Leroy and is now a cop in Wullerton]
- Davis' New Partner: So you're from Dog River, right?
- Davis Quinton: [Disgusted] Hmph! Dog River!
- [spits]
- Davis' New Partner: [uneasy] Why did you do that?
- [Fitzy has lost his re-election bid]
- Mayor Fitzy: You're all rubes! Rubes! Well, you won't have old Fitzy to kick around!
- [he gets into his car and tries to start it]
- Mayor Fitzy: Could someone give me a boost?
- Oscar Leroy: It's Lacey's idea. She says we should build a casino.
- Brent LeRoy: Really? That doesn't sound like something Lacey would say. In fact, just the other day...
- [in flashback]
- Brent LeRoy: Hey, Lacey, you want to play some pinochle for matchsticks?
- Lacey Burrows: Uh, how many matchsticks? Is it legal? Maybe we shouldn't. It could lead to pennies and then who knows what. No, this is a bad idea.
- [in present day]
- Brent LeRoy: She's not exactly Doyle Brunson.
- [first lines]
- Lacey Burrows: What's this mayor challenge?
- Brent LeRoy: Fitzy's looking for ways to put Dog River on the map.
- Wanda Dollard: Yeah. Whenever election time rolls around, he starts to pretend he cares.
- Hank Yarbo: How can you guys be so cyclical?
- Wanda Dollard: That's cynical.
- Lacey Burrows: Maybe he meant we talk in circles. We do that sometimes.
- Hank Yarbo: Yeah, Wanda. If you weren't so cyclical, you'd know that.
- Hank Yarbo: You know how in Regina they have all those painted pig statues and Toronto has all those painted statues of mooses?
- Wanda Dollard: Moose?
- Hank Yarbo: No, there's more than one.
- [Davis has just made Emma pull her car over, he approaches the car]
- Davis Quinton: Licence and registration, ma'am.
- Emma Leroy: What's this about?
- [Emma turns and sees Mayor Fitzy across the street, he is wearing sunglasses and trying to stand inconspicuously]
- Emma Leroy: Are you trying to intimidate me?
- Davis Quinton: You're messing with forces, powerful forces. You play with fire, it'll bite ya.
- Karen Pelly: [entering] What are you doing, Davis?
- Davis Quinton: She was speeding!
- Emma Leroy: I was parked.
- Davis Quinton: She was loitering!
- [Hank is in the Mayor's office, pitching his idea]
- Hank Yarbo: And everyone gets to paint 'em, just like in Toronto with the moose, uh, mooses.
- Mayor Fitzy: You know, of all the ideas I've heard, yours is the first. Let's do it.
- Hank Yarbo: Really?
- Mayor Fitzy: I'm gonna order some big gophers to paint.
- Hank Yarbo: I said prairie dogs! And, and I want 'em to be regular size!
- Karen Pelly: [Karen holds out her hands, a prairie dog's width apart]
- Karen Pelly: But they'll only be this big!
- Hank Yarbo: That's what I want.
- Mayor Fitzy: Now, how do we keep them from squirming around?
- Davis Quinton: I think they're statues.
- Mayor Fitzy: Good! Problem solved.
- Hank Yarbo: You can't sell Corner Gas!
- Wanda Dollard: Yeah, why would you want a huge wad of cash when you can have a gas station with Hank in it?
- Lacey Burrows: This is a big decision, Brent, it's not just chili cheese dog or no chili cheese dog.
- Brent LeRoy: That's no decision, chili cheese dog!
- Hank Yarbo: Think about it, Wanda. If Brent sells, you'll have to wear one of them Pump N' Go uniforms.
- [Wanda imagines herself in the uniform, which is very unflattering]
- Wanda Dollard: Brent, you can't sell the gas station! It's a job that I love! By the way, I can't work tomorrow.
- Press Conference Denizen #1: Mr. Prime Minister, what do you make of this controversy?
- Stephen Harper: Now, look. I like prairie dogs and I like gophers. But, sadly, neither were given the respect they deserve under the previous Liberal Government.
- Press Conference Denizen #1: If you had to choose one, which would it be?
- Stephen Harper: Well, I guess I'd pick prairie dogs.
- [the crowd reacts negatively]
- Stephen Harper: [nervously] No, no, gophers! I meant to say gophers.
- [He gives an awkward thumbs up]
- Lacey Burrows: You know, I hate to say it, but I think Hank is on to something.
- Brent LeRoy: Me too. Good job, Hank.
- Wanda Dollard: Yeah. That's the best idea you've ever had.
- Hank Yarbo: Really? You like it?
- Wanda Dollard: No. But it's the best idea you've ever had.