- President Skroob: [narrating flashback sequence] My distant ancestor Skoobron the Terrible baked the Onion Ring so he could wield it's awesome power.
- Yogurt: Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...
- Princess Vespa: Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?
- Lone Star: Oh please.
- Yogurt: You'll be Vesparwen.
- Dark Helmut: Huh? Yogurt, how did you get in here?
- Yogurt: The Tower Isn't Guarded.
- Dark Helmut: The tower isn't guarded?
- Yogurt: Nope, the Tower Isn't Guarded isn't guarded.
- Barf Baggins: What kind of sicko would exploit my addiction to onion rings? I need a commercial break!
- Galadriot Matrix: Have fun stormin' the fryer! Whoo, another good one! I gotta write that one down before Mel Brooks steals it.
- Barf Baggins: It was Lone Staragorn. He tried to take the Onion Ring from me.
- Vesparwen: Lone Staragorn, get a hold of yourself!
- Lone Staragorn: I am the leader here, I should be the one to wear the ring.
- Vesparwen: Oh yeah? I'm the girl here and if there's any jewelry to be worn, I should be the one to wear it.
- Vesparwen: [to King Lone Staragorn] How dare you try to turn me into a wrinkly old queen, you filthy pig!