- [first lines]
- Basil: You may laugh, you may jeer, but it's true. A prostate op can work wonders for your sex life...
- [he is drowned out by jeers]
- Basil: No, really! I wake up every morning with all the hard work already done, raring to go.
- Jane: Oh. So tasteless!
- Basil: You ask Dave Cartwright. After his prostate, he thought it was Christmas every day.
- [laughs]
- Basil: You ask Dave.
- Tom: Basil, we can't ask Dave Cartwright. This is Dave's wake!
- Basil: Ooh, so it is. Good old Dave. I bet they had a job to get his lid down.
- [last lines]
- Diana: I like to be known as a person in my own right. Already had to clout Basil for referring to me as 'Tom Ballard's bit of crumpet'. And just shut up about it, all right?
- Tom: And, um, uh, the future, mm?
- Diana: Forget about that, too.
- Tom: You can't be serious!
- Diana: Well... maybe saints' days and other religious holidays.
- Tom: But you don't belong to any religion.
- Diana: I guess that's just the breaks, kid.
- Tom: Oh... Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted.
- [picks up bottle]
- Tom: Another cup of gin, Diana?
- Diana: Good idea.
- [pause]
- Diana: Tom?
- Tom: Yeah?
- Diana: What's the date?
- Tom: Umm... the seventeenth.
- Diana: Seventeenth. Oh, isn't that the Feast of Saint Kermit and All Frogs?
- Tom: Oh. Oh, well, um, I don't know, uh... Oh! I see. Oh. Jolly good.
- [laughs]
- Tom: And isn't tomorrow the Feast of Saint Donald of All Ducks?
- Diana: I'll decide the calendar 'round here
- Tom: That's a bit unfair.
- Diana: Take it or leave it.
- Tom: I'll have to think about it. OK, I've thought about it. Here's to Saint Kermit.
- Diana: Saint Kermit.
- Tom: It was your idea, Diana. I came back and found you in my bed, so I went to sleep in the armchair, where you woke me up and delivered me a long carpe diem lecture: "We have only got a few happy times in our lives, and we've got to grab them by both hands." So you did. My eyeballs nearly popped out!