Pushing Daisies (TV Series)

Pie-lette (2007)

Lee Pace: Ned

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ned : I asked you not to use the word "zombie". It's disrespectful. Stumbling around squawking for brains? That's not how they do. And "undead"? Nobody wants to be "un"-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? It's like saying, "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.

  Emerson Cod : Are you comfortable with "living dead"?

  Ned : You're either living or you're dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"? Didn't that sound nice?

• Emerson Cod : Well, who died instead?

  Ned : [shows Emerson the obituary of the funeral director]  It's a random proximity thing.

  Emerson Cod : Bitch, *I* was in proximity!

• Emerson Cod : Sounds like you're a narcoleptic.

  Ned : I suffer from sudden and uncontrollable types of deep sleep?

  Emerson Cod : What's the other one?

  Ned : Necrophiliac.

  Emerson Cod : Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.

  Olive : Me, too. I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food.

  [awkward silence] 

  Olive : I don't think that anymore.

• Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : You can't just touch somebody's life and be done with it!

  Ned : Yes, I can. That's how I roll.

• Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : You said you wanted to know who killed me so that justice could be served. See, I don't think that "Justice" was on the menu. Maybe as a side dish, but not as an entrée.

  Ned : It was most definitely an entrée. It was a Special of the Day. Could we drop the metaphor?

• Olive : How was your convention?

  Ned : Conventional. How's Digby?

  Olive : A little neurotic. He's a very needy dog. Do you pet him? Maybe if you pet him every once in a while, he wouldn't be so neurotic.

  Ned : I pet him. I'm allergic, so I don't actually touch him, but I pet him.

  Olive : With a stick? How do you *pet* him?

  Ned : A stick is involved but it's more like a handle to a p-p-p-petting device.

  Olive : Your dog needs to be touched.

  [seductively] 

  Olive : We *all* need to be touched.

  Ned : You touch him, other people have touched him.

  Olive : [moving Ned's hands to her shoulders]  He's your dog. Do you, uh, touch anything?

  Ned : Of course. I touch lots of things.

  Olive : With affection? When was the last time someone touched you with affection?

  Ned : I get touched. Could you get Digby's leash now?

  Olive : Hmmmmmmmm...

  Ned : [to Digby]  You don't mind that I don't touch you, do you?

• Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.

  Ned : I'm not a fan of the hug.

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Then you haven't been hugged properly. It's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.

  Ned : That's fine for someone else to do if I'm choking on something other than emotion, but you can't touch me.

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : So a kiss is out of the question?

  Ned : I've lost my train of thought.

• Emerson Cod : You know what? We all have childhood issues, okay? Believe me, I got the full subscription, okay? Horror stories!

  Ned : [referring to Chuck]  I kind of killed her dad when I was ten.

  Emerson Cod : Maybe not horror stories.

• Ned : [to Chuck]  I just thought my world would be a better place if you were in it.

• Ned : I was being selfish. I love to tell myself I was unselfish, but I know deep down in my primal sweet spot I was being unselfish for selfish reasons.

• Ned : This is pushing your luck.

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Yeah, well, luck pushed me first.

• [Ned touches the recently strangled-to-death Deedee Duffield and she comes back to life] 

  Deedee : Hey, Charlotte!

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Hey, Deedee.

  Deedee : Now, how'd I know you'd be the first person I'd see when I got to...? Is this...? Which one is this?

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : This is neither. Well, maybe it's both, but, listen, this is the deal: you get to talk for, like, a minute, we're gonna catch up, and then you're not talking anymore.

  Deedee : Does everyone get to do this? 'Cause, girl, we gotta break it down.

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Did you know I was gonna get killed?

  Deedee : I thought there might be the possibility, yes. I'm real sorry about that. I probably should've said something. But to be honest, and really, why not, at this point, if it were safe, I would've done it myself. God, this is fantastic! Being honest is fun!

  Emerson Cod : Ask her who killed her and you and what's with the monkeys.

  Deedee : Who are those people?

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : That's Emerson, I don't really know him, and this is Ned. He was my first kiss.

  Deedee : [to Ned]  Now, you're adorable. Look at your li -

  [touches Ned's cheek and becomes dead again] 

  Emerson Cod : You couldn't have... scooted back a little?

  Ned : I didn't know she was gonna touch my cheek. Who does that?

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Actually, she does that a lot.

• [regarding Chuck] 

  Emerson Cod : Do you know this girl?

  Ned : I know of her.

  Emerson Cod : Know of her in the biblical sense?

  Ned : I haven't thought of her since I was ten.

  Emerson Cod : Think of her a lot when you were ten?

  Ned : I don't remember anything when I was ten.

  Narrator : The Pie Maker remembers everything.

• Emerson Cod : [about Leo Gaswint's "alleged" murderer, his dog, Cantaloupe]  Cantaloupe was framed; someone put a part of the victim in her mouth.

  Ned : Huh.

  Emerson Cod : Hey, docile as a kitten, says the family.

  Ned : Despite it being a Chow, the breed most likely to turn on its owner?

  Emerson Cod : Hey, hey! That's racial profiling.

• Ned : You died for a pair of plaster monkeys?

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Deedee said they weren't worth much, their only value was sentimental.

  Emerson Cod : Those must have been some emotional monkeys.

• [about the deceased body of Leo Gaswint] 

  Emerson Cod : How's he look?

  Ned : Fine, but my threshold's pretty high so you have to take that with a grain of salt.

  Emerson Cod : [looking at the body]  That ain't a grain of salt. That's one of them blocks they give cows to lick.

• Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : I'll be so mad if you're lying. You'll have me scratching the drapes!

  Ned : I'm not lying. Please don't attack the window treatments.

• Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : When were you going to tell me?

  Ned : In the morning or when it came up. Whichever didn't come first.

• Coroner : You the dog expert?

  Ned : Uh-huh.

  Coroner : Already had a dog expert.

  Ned : I'm the, uh, other one.

  Coroner : Mm-hm.

• Ned : Hey, I think somebody's truck's on fire.

• Ned : I hate to be a bad host, but I'm sort of exhausted from chasing your coffin.

• Emerson Cod : Been watching the news lately?

  Ned : Yeah. There doesn't seem like much going on in the world besides a dead girl on a boat.

  Emerson Cod : A lot going on with that dead girl.

  Ned : Is that so?

  Emerson Cod : Mmhmm. Fifty-thousand dollars worth of that's so. You interested in the conversation?

  Ned : I could be persuaded.

  Emerson Cod : Well you better be persuaded quick because the dead girl's about to go in the ground.

  Ned : They just pulled her out of the water.

  Emerson Cod : Jewish. Christians leave 'em layin around - Jews gotta get 'em buried.

• Leo Gaswint : [pointing to his missing jaw area]  Do I have something right here?

  Ned : No, there's nothing right there.

• Ned : It's nice she had a little glimpse of the world before she died.

  Lily : Eh. The world isn't that great.

• Emerson Cod : The fact that he was a very, very bad man makes you feel better about what you did?

  Ned : Yes. Immensely. I would have felt horrible if it was... you, for example.

  [Emerson hits him] 

  Ned : I'm not proud!

  Emerson Cod : You know, I'm glad you did it. Makes the worst thing I did seem insignificant.

  Ned : Listen to you, all judgey-judge.

• Ned : You were my first kiss.

  Charlotte 'Chuck' Charles : Yeah? You were my first kiss too. You wanna be my last kiss? First and last? Or is that weird?

  Ned : That's not weird. It's symmetrical.