Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

The Jimmy Jab Games II (2020)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Amy Santiago : You're pretty hurt, huh?

  Jake Peralta : Yeah. It's very exciting. I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit. I mean, sure, I can't lift my arms, but Seabiscuit won without even having arms.

  Amy Santiago : What are you talking about?

  Jake Peralta : I don't know. I fell. We're already married. It doesn't matter.

• Jake Peralta : Buckle your butts, everyone! The Jimmy Jab Games are back!

• Jake Peralta : I'm not a teacher. I'm a class clown slash bad boy with a heart of gold.

• Raymond Holt : I could really use this day off to spend some time with my husband.

  Rosa Diaz : Oh, please. We all have loved ones. You're not getting any sympathy just because you're gay.

  Jake Peralta : Rosa, I don't think he was...

  Raymond Holt : No, I was. She saw right through me. Nevertheless, I will destroy you all.

• Jake Peralta : Squad, today we write a new chapter in the history of the Nine-Nine. And that chapter begins with the word "Jimmy," and ends with the word "Jab."

  Rosa Diaz : That chapter's only two words long.

  Jake Peralta : [Defensively]  No, there's a lot of words in between. It's a long chapter.

• Terry Jeffords : Santiago and I are going to an administration workshop for the NYPD.

  Amy Santiago : And it's voluntary, so only the cool kids are gonna be there.

  Jake Peralta : I love you so much.

• Terry Jeffords : You're not the same immature, rebellious kid you used to be. Didn't you and Amy buy a family-friendly midsize sedan?

  Jake Peralta : In a rebellious color... champagne... which is an alcohol. And let's not forget, I wanted to have sex in your office just now.

  Terry Jeffords : Yeah, to have a baby and become a father!

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, he turned it around on me.

• Scully : This is Dorothy, my pill box.

  [He produces an enormous box, with hidden compartments, filled with pill boxes] 

  Jake Peralta : Good God.

  Hitchcock : My friend here has dozens of medications prescribed for all of his ailments. They make him normal. They make me limitless.

• Jake Peralta : You wanna know why I really wanted that year of no paperwork? It's so if we did get pregnant, I would have more time to help with the baby.

  Amy Santiago : Aww.

  Jake Peralta : No, save your "aww." I don't deserve it. I'm just some boring, responsible guy that's about to lose our car.

  Amy Santiago : You're still pretty irresponsible.

  Jake Peralta : Aww. You're just saying that 'cause you're my wife.

  Amy Santiago : No, I'm not. Yesterday, you took the batteries out of our smoke detector to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass.

  Jake Peralta : You noticed.

  Amy Santiago : Yeah. In a bad way.

• Terry Jeffords : Hey, Santiago, it's time to head out.

  Amy Santiago : Actually, I'm not leaving. I'm gonna stay for the games.

  Jake Peralta : Ohh, look who's coming around already. We're gonna have fun.

  Amy Santiago : No, this isn't fun. A voluntary administration workshop is fun.

  Terry Jeffords : Yeah, I hear it ends with a six page self-assessment.

  Amy Santiago : Oh, come on, Terry! You don't have to rub it in!

• Jake Peralta : [Jake has to break through a door to win the Jimmy Jab games]  I can do this. For my wife.

  [He fells on the door and fails miserably] 

  Jake Peralta : Ah, it didn't work. My skeleton feels like it's made of Skittles. I can't do it, Amy.

  Amy Santiago : Yes, you can, okay? You just need a little energy. And Debbie's EpiPens are full of adrenaline.

  Jake Peralta : Is that a smart thing to do?

  Amy Santiago : Probably not, but sometimes it's good to be a little irresponsible.

  Jake Peralta : You're gonna make me sick.

  Amy Santiago : It's better than losing our car.

  Jake Peralta : I mean, is it? 'Cause...

  [Amy sticks him with the EpiPen] 

  Jake Peralta : I will never die!

  [He charges at the door]