Nuclear Hurricane (TV Movie 2007) Poster

(2007 TV Movie)

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2/10
For the love of God, STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!
aliway24 July 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I just found myself yelling at the television for the constant repetition of the two main characters, Linda (Jamie Luner), who's ex is on the island and appears to date the female sheriff, possibly I don't know, it appears like that, and Rusty (Jack Scalia).

But let's start at the beginning. What takes place is a poor version of '2001: A Space Odyssey', with the HAL 9000 being replaced by a computer called Staci. Linda and Rusty need to reboot the backup system, but the code they were given activates Security Protocol 13 (SP13), which makes Staci go berserk.

Now the repetition. Now, before doing the reboot Rusty tells Staci to lock the doors to the building. Why they do this I don't know. How they can do this when there's no...proper computer software on the doors, apart from keyholes, I don't know. Now get this, when Security protocol 13 kicks in, Staci doesn't do anything the lead characters do, for example, shutting down the protocol and rebooting the backup system. So, Linda tries to leave to pick up her ex so he can fix the situation, forgetting they locked the doors. So we then get the characters asking Staci to unlock the doors, which can't be done because SP13 denies their authority, and they can't get shut it down because they don't have authority, they can't call for help because of SP13, and repeat. Despite this Linda tries getting through doors MULTIPLE TIMES, only getting the same response. Because the first hundred times worked before.

Then the building has retinal scanners which Staci decides to ignore. So Linda, if the retinal scanners don't work, STOP TRYING TO USE THEM! And then asking Staci to unlock the door only leads to the same freaking thing she told you before!

Now, the title of the film is misleading. A nuclear hurricane. That sounds awesome and terrifying. We get a normal hurricane. Nowhere near nuclear. A threat is what we get. I WANT A NUCLEAR HURRICANE! THAT'S WHAT THE FILM PROMISED ME!

And then we have plenty of...terrible, terrible things. A pointless sub-plot of a woman giving birth, a sub-plot of Linda stealing Rusty's job, like 'Lava Storm' the settlement (an island) has an unlikely population of 9, vent shafts are not real sized (no-one builds them that big), the characters don't bother covering the camera because this might "piss her off" (though by all regards covering up the camera DOES NOT TURN OFF THE MICROPHONE!) a maintenance guy who doesn't really do much but try doors after being told they're locked, and, get this Linda trapped in a air vent in 135 degrees. We're not told whether it's 135 degrees Fahrenheit or 135 degrees Celsius, but she should have died, but nooooo. She jokes around by asking out the computer. WHAT THE HELL?

That's it, I'm wrapping up. This film is terrible, it makes no sense the dialogue is terrible, it repeats itself endlessly, we don't care about the characters, it repeats itself, the acting is wooden, it repeats itself and I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!
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3/10
Bad, bad, bad
Leofwine_draca10 February 2015
The title makes this sound like one of those dodgy disaster flicks knocked out by The Asylum but I'm afraid to say that NUCLEAR HURRICANE is even worse: it's a film with two separate story lines, one involving a renegade computer at a nuclear plant and the other involving a hurricane, that have zero to do with each other despite the scriptwriter's attempts to stitch the two strands together.

This is badly written indeed, a film that jumps all over the place with characters and sequences and makes little sense as a whole. There are whole interludes which are just put there to try to drag the running time out to make this reach feature length, and of course that makes for a very boring film. At least it's adequately shot, but given Fred Olen Ray's copious genre experience I wouldn't expect otherwise.

What's notable here is that the script contains some truly abysmal humour, and the actors can't help but deliver it in a most stilted way. I even felt sorry for them on occasion. The hurricane stuff is so routine it's not even worth mentioning, but the 'evil' computer stuff is a little more fun, 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY rip-off though it is. Jamie Luner and Jack Scalia are really slumming it here. One thing the other reviewers didn't mention is that the film features Gil Gerard and Erin Gray teaming up on-screen together after their roles in the fondly-remembered BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY, although both have aged so much that you could be forgiven for not recognising them.
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4/10
Wow, just wow and not in a good way.
intelboyipod22 August 2019
Saw it on Prime, had a sandwich and diet coke. Thought I was on a coaster of a ride, but never thought I was seeing a crash. First 10 minutes was a thing about a helicopter rescue gone bad, never would think that was the best part of the movie. I love stinker movies, but this is very hard to watch.
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1/10
Nuclear rubbish
TheLittleSongbird21 August 2014
Disaster movies can be entertaining, although the number of bad ones are too many to list, and the idea was interesting. But Nuclear Hurricane failed in every single way imaginable. Even for low-budget it looks cheap, very drab in lighting, grainy in the way it's shot and the editing is often sloppy at best. There is no better news about the special effects which look artificial and under-proportioned, if you are expecting an epic nuclear hurricane like the title promises you'll be disappointed, this hurricane didn't even rise above lukewarm. The music is very generic, you hear similar-sounding scores all the time and with much better pace and placement. The writing is really awful and was in serious need of a re-boot(pun intended) in Nuclear Hurricane, with very inane dialogue that has a lot of talk but entirely vacuous and sometimes irrelevant. There's even attempts at humour, and not only is the humour not funny at all, more tired than anything else, but it's most of the time placed inappropriately. Story-wise the movie is a complete slog, with sluggish pacing, padding that adds little(the pregnant woman subplot was not interesting and suffered some of the worst of the dialogue) and no tension or fun. It's also incredibly repetitive and has so many holes that you can drive the biggest ever truck through them, it's very difficult to be engrossed when the story is this confused(some scenes almost incomprehensible) and stupid. The characters are a cardboard and unlikeable bunch, especially the female sheriff, not many characters recently have got on my nerves but this character did. The most interesting character is the computer Staci, but even that character was derivative of Hal9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. The acting is poor, with no chemistry or sense that they cared about the jeopardy they were in, ranging from bland to overwrought. This is including Jamie Luner. All in all, awfully bad from start to finish with nothing good to say about it. 1/10 Bethany Cox
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1/10
As seen on Telefutura's "Cine De Las Estrellas" (which ain't a good thing)
keith_xyz4 July 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I discovered this movie on Telefutura, which is one of the few channels I can watch movies when I'm too broke for cable. Needles to say, I masochistically choose to watch their cinema like the Mads sadistically choose their cinema for Joel or Mike on "Mystery Science Theater 3000." It's a good thing there are commercials and it's in Spanish so I don't have to learn & understand the (lack of a) plot. "Nuclear Hurricane" stars Jamie Luner, the beautiful red-haired C-list actress you may remember from "Just the Ten of Us," "Melrose Place," & "Profiler." I only saw the last hour of the film, but I think it was just enough for me to give this the negative rating it deserves. I presumably missed the "good parts," which may involve the hurricane & tumbling CGI boulders. What I did see was Luner & that guy from "All My Children" trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown or something. & like in many movies or TV shows, they had to traverse air ducts large enough to accommodate one person. This gimmick always exploits the physique of the thespians as Luner displays some cleavage but unfortunately no butt shots. It's as if this awful film still has to be taken seriously somehow. & also there is some creepy villainous robot like Hal 9000 (here it's called "Staci.") From what I saw, Luner fell unconscious either from the heat in the vents or lack of air & that soap opera guy had to save her & a welder's involved. Add to that two people in another scene assisting in delivering a woman's baby in said hurricane to complete that long, boring hour. I'd be really masochistic if I weren't playing the Wii on another TV. Incidentally I saw this on the Third of July; on the 4th of July & on many other holidays, Telefutura airs a marathon of movies. I assume "Nuclear Hurricane" was really too crappy to be put in that lineup for those who live in states where you can't buy fireworks & literally can't stand the heat. "Nuclear Hurricane" is like "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter": when it comes to unusual film names, WYSIWYG. &WYG is a horrible movie. Thank you, Telefutura for motivating me to write a review which I haven't done in awhile. I'm being sarcastic, of course, but it's good to get it outta my system. Happy 4th of July, yall!
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1/10
It's as if a nuclear-powered Trite-Writer 3000 went idiotic
zyzyb2k3 January 2012
One cliché after another that fuels some awful acting. There is a lame attempt at a lesbian relationship, that would make any lesbian cringe. The programmer keeps trying to hit on the heroine, her partner, the sheriff. There is a hurricane and the probability of a nuclear plant meltdown, yet the 'maintenance man' is more concerned with eating and his lunch break - right up to the last five minutes of this disaster. A woman gives birth in a barn in the middle of a hurricane and immediately thereafter is able to run briskly up the road to a house as if she had just made toast where she, the sheriff, and the clueless programmer are met with, "oh a baby!" I won't waste the reader's time writing about the dreadful writing, acting, editing, production (de)-values in this waste of film. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!
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4/10
It's so bad you can't stop smiling!
ReeseCormac7 September 2019
What we have here is a late-night monster movie in which the monster is an artificially intelligent computer, which controls all functions at a nuclear power plant and which, of course, goes haywire, initiating a process that could lead to a meltdown while viewing power-plant personnel both as entities it must protect and as viruses infecting the system. Technicians frantically scramble to hack through the computer's digital defenses, but the hurricane that rages outside delays desperately needed expertise.

Not a bad plot, but the execution is just silly. Much of the dialog sounds improvised, and most of the scenes appear to have been filmed on the first take. Nevertheless, if you have nothing better to do, grab some popcorn and maybe an adult beverage, sit back, and get ready to smile!
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5/10
So bad its funny
Its a movie trying to be serious but becomes laughably bad. A movie that's fun to make fun of.
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5/10
Entertaining and pacey
crossrad11 February 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Not quite as bad as I expected, because the basic theme, of computer security mechanisms locking out the legitimate user having unintended consequences is a real, ever-present threat in our everyday lives, affecting everything from internet banking to software licensing. Because computers can never be programmed to deal reasonably with unforeseen circumstances, there needs to be recourse to a human authority to overrule them.

This film imagines that such a situation arises in the control of nuclear power and a hurricane prevents human intervention by those in authority. Seeing how the people involved deal with the situation is inherently interesting, because it involves issues of just what levels of power should computers be given over people at different levels of authority.

The film tries to juxtaposition personal relationships with corporate hierarchy; worker rivalry against the common the struggle against nature. It is pacey and entertaining, but the development of the premise is a bit superficial, diluting it by making the the cause of the computer behaviour the crazily inept programming by one of the characters, rather than the struggle of workers to exercise the powers they need when their jobs unexpectedly demand that they take on great responsibilities.

Made in 2007, this film holds up well as the theme is just as relevant today.
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4/10
No lesbian relationship
jmcg8288613 January 2024
I agree with all the reviews and I don't usually post here but one review mentions the stupid attempt at a lesbian relationship between the programmer and the sheriff. If they had been paying attention in the beginning they would've known that the two women were sisters. Other than that the reviews are pretty accurate. Cliche divorced couple, coworkers vying for the same job, doltish custodian and of course corporate honchos who only care about the bottom line. Certainly nothing original. The computer was actually the most interesting character and I almost found myself rooting for her. I think she was the spawn of HAL.
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5/10
Enjoyable, except for pregnant lady.
purplecatr5 June 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I've definitely seen worse disaster movies. I actually enjoyed it, crazy Stacey with a hurricane!

Thou I was annoyed at the pregnant lady, like seriously why add her? Due to give birth, all by herself, a hurricane is coming, & didn't bother to evacuate. I get it's plot, but could've added someone, or something else instead.
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3/10
Should have left this on the floor
mrmgarnham9 January 2022
Great premise and plot let down by poor writing and directing of a somewhat weak cast. Many plot points just didn't tie together. Nothing else to say.
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3/10
Reboot of 2001 Space Odyssey
ElspethG29 March 2022
Warning: Spoilers
In this movie, Stacy is a computer which is a main character. She is jealous and she is on a power trip. Very much like Hal from 2001 a Space Odyssey. He, too, was jealous and was on a power trip. Both computers are trying to get rid of all humans. I hoped that this would get better but, alas, it lacked a lot.
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4/10
"How may I serve you Linda?"
hwg1957-102-2657047 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
It starts off with a helicopter rescue in a tsunami, then to a developing hurricane and then to a rogue computer at a Pacific island nuclear plant, not to mention a woman about to have a baby. A lot of elements mixed together but it all comes across as uninteresting and lacking in any tension. The actors are OK but the script by Anna Lorenzo is poor, particularly the intended witty lines that fall flat and the evident plot holes. A disaster movie without any thrills. But it was nice to see Gil Gerard and Erin Gray acting together again.
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4/10
something to watch if you are bored
backworld28 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This is a moderately interesting film. Jack Scalia is one of the lead characters and he is still a pretty good actor so that made it better.

There actually are 2 stories going on like the previous review states. But they also threw in a pregnant woman who just happens to need to deliver her baby during the worst part of the storm inside some sort of falling down shack.

I did notice a glitch in the story--a woman crawls up into the ventilation system to try to get past the AI on the screwed up computer system..she goes UP, but you never see another ceiling fan opening in any other part of the venting system.

This is a secure nuclear facility & they would have several venting fans through out the building and they would be in the ceilings.

So that is what made it just a mediocre film for me. It is always the little stuff that seems to get away from these small budget films.
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Haven't even watched it and it looks awful!!
godzillakingmonster27 May 2017
Looking at the front cover, it looks like a rip of atomic twister and the China Syndrome. They also use an awful front cover and it makes the movie look worse. I've seen one photo of this movie and it already looks awful. I'll stick with atomic twister for now or even Sharknado 1 or 2
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