- Ellie Bartowski: How did you get in here?
- Morgan Grimes: Chuck's window, or as I like to call it, the 'Morgan Door'.
- Ellie Bartowski: I'm gonna go close the window.
- Chuck Bartowski: Look, I'm not accusing you of anything... today. Yesterday, yes, I may have laid it on a little thick with the accusing, but I'm really sorry about that. Instead of not trusting you I should have been thanking you for saving my life and protecting the country and for making really tasty gourmet wieners.
- Chuck Bartowski: [to Sarah, who's interrogating him] You should know if you're planning on hurting me even to prove a point, I have a very low threshold for pain.
- Sarah Walker: I'm sorry I yelled at you.
- Chuck Bartowski: It was our first fight. You know, it's a big step... if our relationship were remotely real.
- Chuck Bartowski: [after Casey tackles a shoplifter] Lives are not in danger, and the country is still safe!
- John Casey: [Casey's been shot with a tranquilizer dart] Pull it out.
- Chuck Bartowski: I have a very strong aversion to needles.
- Ellie Bartowski: Well, you've moved onto bigger and better girls. I don't really mean bigger like literally bigger... I just really like Sarah, and I hope you guys work things out before the next dinner party, of course.
- Chuck Bartowski: I dunno, sis, I really think I blew it.
- Ellie Bartowski: Look, Chuck, just try apologizing. It goes a long way.
- [Sarah's handcuffed wrists are strung up over her head]
- Chuck Bartowski: Sarah! Are you okay?
- [realizes Sarah is gagged with duct tape]
- Chuck Bartowski: Stupid question. Should I, uh...
- [rips the tape off her mouth]
- Sarah Walker: Chuck, you have to get out of here.
- Chuck Bartowski: No, I'm here to save you!
- Sarah Walker: You shouldn't be here - you're too valuable! Besides, I have this well in hand.
- Chuck Bartowski: Uh-huh. Yeah. 'Cause it looks like it's well in hand.
- Chuck Bartowski: Hi, my name is Charles Bartowski, but you can call me Chuck. Those are my shoes, this is my life. It's filled with spies, car chases, computer-stealing ninjas and me saving the day.
- Chuck Bartowski: You see, everything changed when I got an e-mail from my old college buddy, Bryce Larkin. You see, Bryce had been working for the CIA when he stole a whole bunch of government secrets. Big, important secrets. Really scary, nasty, you-get-killed-for-having-them secrets. Next thing I know, these super secrets are downloaded into my brain. Which means every moment of my life is in danger.
- Sarah Walker: We've rewired the home-theater room for this test. When the images start, just say what they are.
- Chuck Bartowski: That's it?
- John Casey: I'm sure you'll find a way to screw it up.
- Ellie Bartowski: [to Chuck, about Sarah] Wait a minute! Morgan has met her, and I haven't?
- Morgan Grimes: Yeah, he confides in me, Ellie, you know? He tells me his deepest, darkest secrets, which you could too, by the way.
- Ellie Bartowski: Here's one: I loathe you.
- Morgan Grimes: That's not a secret.
- Big Mike: How's customer-service training?
- Chuck Bartowski: Super.
- John Casey: Fine.
- Big Mike: Glad to hear it. The better my employees, the less I work.
- Chuck Bartowski: Very inspiring words, sir.
- John Casey: Regular call to arms.
- John Casey: This is how this is gonna work. I'm gonna go over there, rescue Sarah, capture Dr. Zarnow, shoot anybody who gets in my way. You, you're gonna stay here.
- Chuck Bartowski: So, in this plan I basically do nothing?
- John Casey: Yup.
- Chuck Bartowski: [dramatically] ... Let's do this.
- John Casey: [after inspecting a car bomb explosion crime scene that presumably killed Dr. Zarnow] We're sending the good doctor home in an ashtray.
- Ellie Bartowski: [Chuck has destroyed Sarah's souffle, for fear it might contain poison] Chuck, look, no matter how stressed out you are, it is never okay to murder a woman's soufflé.
- Lester Patel: Mr. Bartowski.
- Chuck Bartowski: Hi, Lester.
- Lester Patel: Uh, Code Zebra. Linux install at a factory off Ventura.
- Chuck Bartowski: Uh, I'm sorry. Why can't you and Jeff go?
- Lester Patel: Linux? PC's? We're, uh, Mac guys, Chuck. Uh, we're IT artists.
- Morgan Grimes: [Role-playing with Casey as shopper and Buy More staff] Alright, so I'm gonna try that again, ready? Do you have any Ramones?
- [Casey looks at him threateningly but doesn't respond]
- Morgan Grimes: No, don't say no. It's not gonna... Listen, okay. Uh, excuse me, John, how are you doing? Do you have any Ramones here, *dude*? But don't tell me you don't have any.
- Chuck Bartowski: Casey, the correct response is, "Can we *order* you the Ramones?".
- Morgan Grimes: Ramones, man, Ramones, okay? Just looking for the Ramones, man. Do you have Ramones? Cause I love the Ramones and I wanted...
- [Casey shoves Morgan to the floor]
- Morgan Grimes: Aw. That's a no on the Ramones, I guess.
- Chuck Bartowski: Okay, I don't think that's in the Buy More manual.
- John Casey: [Threateningly] What did Sarah tell you, hmm? I know you talked to her. It's what I do for a living.
- [Chuck doesn't answer]
- Morgan Grimes: [still on the floor] Oh, no, here it is, on the bottom shelf. Ramones.
- Sarah Walker: [at the scene of the explosion, pretends not to have found any clue] Okay, well, I've got hot dogs to fry.
- John Casey: And I've got toasters to sell.