My Family (TV Series)

Life Begins at Fifty (2007)

Kim Wall: Store Detective

Quotes 

• Susan Harper : I told you I have no idea how those sunglasses got into my pocket.

  Store Detective : Look, it should never have got as far as the police. You know, I've had a word with the store manager and we don't want to go ahead with the prosecution.

  Ben Harper : You see? That's very good, isn't it? Isn't that generous, Susan?

  Store Detective : Well, we don't want the bad publicity. We're aware that many of our clientele are women of a certain age.

  Susan Harper : A certain age!

  Ben Harper : Yeah, that's a bad area, John! Bad area!

  Store Detective : The thing is, Mrs Harper, this happens more often than you think. Now we'll drop the charges if you come back to the police station and explain that you were simply forgetful. You know, if you're going through that... time of life...

  Susan Harper : Time of life?

  Ben Harper : Don't go there, Johnny boy! Don't go there! Listen, listen... Don't dismiss it out of hand entirely, Susan. I mean, you know - eh, eh, forgetful! Fah! I mean, this could be a get out of jail free card, literally!

  Susan Harper : No!

  Ben Harper : Come on, Susan! Please! Please! John's trying to be helpful!

  Susan Harper : Oh, I know what Joseph's trying to say and I know EXACTLY what he's trying to suggest! Now get out of my house!

  Store Detective : You're making things very difficult!

  Store Detective : Well, thank you very much, Jeremy, but I don't need your help! I did not steal those sunglasses and I am NOT forgetful!

• Ben Harper : Mr Barker, on the day of the incident, had you, erm... been drinking at all?

  Store Detective : No.

  Ben Harper : Really? But you yourself said the incident took place at... 2.30pm after lunch.

  Store Detective : Yes.

  Ben Harper : Really? Are you seriously standing here in a court of law under oath while suggesting you do not drink at lunchtime?

  Store Detective : That's right.

  Ben Harper : Your honour, please! How much more of this must we sit through? Everyone has a drink at lunchtime! Mmm! I myself have an absolute minimum of two pints!

  Judge : Before performing dental work on your patients?

  Ben Harper : Erm...

  [Mumbles in embarrassment]