Bobcat Goldthwait: Mr. Floppy

Quotes 

• Mr. Floppy : Ah, summertime! You know what that is to a bunny, Jack? It's mating season!

  [eager:] 

  Mr. Floppy : Oh, Jack! Take me to Neiman Marcus, and leave me in one of the dressing rooms! And this time, in the women's department, huh, Jack?

  [goes lyrical over sight-seeing prospects] 

  Mr. Floppy : Short dresses, bikinis, halter tops, booby cleavage,

  [goes on about this] 

  Mr. Floppy : boobies, boobies, boobies, boobies, boobies!

  Jack Malloy : You are one randy little devil.

  Mr. Floppy : Drew, if you're watching, be careful, baby, I'm ovulating!

  [playfully growling:] 

  Mr. Floppy : Rrrrrrr!

• Jack Malloy : All right.

  [reading from list:] 

  Jack Malloy : Susan Powter.

  Mr. Floppy : [dreamily ecstatic]  Aaahh.

  Jack Malloy : Holly Hunter.

  Mr. Floppy : [dreamily ecstatic]  Aaahh.

  Jack Malloy : [dreamily ecstatic, with reverence]  Meryl Streep.

  Mr. Floppy : [dreamily ecstatic]  Aaahh.

  Jack Malloy : Okay now, who else would you like to see roasted over a spit with an apple in their mouth?

  Mr. Floppy : Hilary Clinton?

  Jack Malloy : [shakes his head]  No, we're only doing women.

  [takes another swig of beer] 

  Mr. Floppy : [thinks, makes obvious choice:]  Streisand.

  [enthusiastic:] 

  Mr. Floppy : Roast her, roast her!

  Jack Malloy : All right, but we'll have to tie her nose back, otherwise it will drag through the hot coals when the spit turns.

  Mr. Floppy : We'll serve her with a nice Yentl soup.

  Jennie Malloy : [calling down to the basement:]  Jack!

  Mr. Floppy : Jennie!

  Jack Malloy : [adds her onto the list]  Hoo yes!

• Jennie Malloy : Jack, Jack, Ja-a-ck, do you hear me?

  Mr. Floppy : I hear you. That voice of yours can pierce the silence of outer space. You sound like you were raised by a family of air-horns.

  Jennie Malloy : [in her drunken stupor, she is not questioning this absurdity]  Oh, you're over there, Jack.

  [taking a look at Mr. Floppy] 

  Jennie Malloy : You know, I haven't looked at you in a long time. You're hairier than Nicolas Cage. And it's true,

  [picking up his floppy ears] 

  Jennie Malloy : as a man gets older, his ears really do get bigger.

• Jennie Malloy : [mistaking Mr. Floppy for Jack]  Now what were you saying?

  Mr. Floppy : I'm saying, shut up!

  Jennie Malloy : Don't you talk to me that way!

  Mr. Floppy : It's time a man did talk to you that way, and I'll talk to you any way I want!

  Jennie Malloy : [sullenly]  Well, I don't like it!

  Mr. Floppy : [brash]  You like it fine!

  Jennie Malloy : No, I don't!

  [but:] 

  Jennie Malloy : Tell me more!

  Mr. Floppy : I'm giving the orders now, dollface. Now shut up, and dance on that table!

  Jennie Malloy : Jack! I just came down here to talk!

  Mr. Floppy : We both know why you came down here. Keep your lies to yourself. I'll take what's under that robe.

• Mr. Floppy : [last lines, reading fan mail]  'Dear Mr. Floppy, what are you doing for your vacation? Jordan, Burbank.' Why, Jordan, I'm gonna give something back to the community. I'm gonna spearhead a movement called

  [shows bunny claws] 

  Mr. Floppy : Claws Across America, to raise money for some unspecified cause, keep all the money, and buy back that town from Kim Basinger. They must be sick of Hollywood interference. Having me and Drew Barrymore as King and Queen would be a refreshing change.

• Mr. Floppy : Do I sleep well Jack's wife? Gee, what a moral dilemma! For somebody with morals!

  [the decision is easily made]