The Fast Show (TV Series)

Episode #1.4 (1994)

Caroline Aherne: Various Roles

Quotes 

• Various Roles : [Voice over]  It's an hour before dawn and Elsa Richardson has already been to meet the returning fishing fleet. Elsa is the head of the marine research department at Durham University.

  Various Roles : I am the head of the marine research department at Durham University.

  Various Roles : She has spent the last 6 years investigating pollution in the north sea.

  Various Roles : I've spent the last 6 years investigating pollution in the north sea.

  Various Roles : These fish from this morning's catch all display the symptoms of mercury poisoning.

  Various Roles : These fish from this mornig's catch all display the symptoms of mercury poisoning. As you can see from the state of the gills.

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the gills - I'm sorry!

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the...

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the... Sorry!

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the...

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the... You go first.

  Various Roles : As you can see from the state of the gils. The fishing agency...

  Various Roles : The fishing agency here in the North East of England has been... I'm sorry, I thought you'd finished.

  Various Roles : As you can see by the state of the gills, these fish are suffering...

  Various Roles : Although, to tell you truth, I am not really interested in fish. So why don't you push off.

  Various Roles : Hmm. As you can you see by the state of the gills...

  Various Roles : You haven't got any friends, have you?

  Various Roles : Just a fish.

  Various Roles : Thought so.

  Various Roles : [Elsa is seen walking up on a flight of stairs]  Elsa Richardson is a sad and lonely woman. Her only friend is a fish and she has a fat arse.

  Various Roles : I HEARD THAT!

  Various Roles : There now follows an advertisement for Northern types.