- Lisa Douglas: [having found several credits printed on freshly laid eggs] What's the matter with you chickens? All of your eggs coming out with names on.
- Lisa Douglas: Where do you keep the booze?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: The booze?
- Lisa Douglas: Well, you know, the bottle you keep for municipal porpoises.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Lisa, any school child can figure that out in it's head.
- Lisa Douglas: Well, I didn't go to a head-school. The school I went to, all they told me is to count how many carats there are in a diamond. The way you do that: you find a jeweler...
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [Lisa has hired Alf and Ralph as domestic help] Now about the help... Do you want to fire them, or shall I?
- Lisa Douglas: [Alf and Ralph look close to tears] Why, you wouldn't fire them on Christmas?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: It's not Christmas!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: When you proposed to me, you said that every day is going to be like Christmas.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [mellows as he remembers and smiles] Oh, so I did. Merry Christmas, darling.
- [kisses Lisa on the lips, then turns to Alf and Ralph]
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: You're fired.
- [Alf and Ralph burst out crying]
- Lisa Douglas: Well, we don't like cucumbers. What other vegetables are there?
- Hank Kimball: Oh, I have a list here as long as my arm.
- [grabs the lists and compares it's length with his right arm]
- Hank Kimball: No, I guess it's shorter.
- Lisa Douglas: Eh, can I have that?
- Hank Kimball: Well no, I need it to hold my wristwatch on. Oh, heh heh, you mean the list.