- Wendell Wilcox: I knew a guy in prison who got a full-body tattoo. Come Valentines Day, they had to put extra bars on his cell!
- Michael Peterson: They're just bluffing! Trust me, we'll never see the inside of a piercing salon!
- [Gilligan cut]
- Zaria Peterson: Correct me if I'm wrong, Michael, but this looks exactly like the inside of a piercing salon!
- Michael Peterson: Tattoos are a way to get in touch with our African heritage.
- Robert Peterson: Michael, look outside that window and tell me what you see, New York or Zimbabwe?
- Michael Peterson: [looks] I see a guy getting beaten by a mugger.
- Robert Peterson: Exactly, you see New York!
- Mrs. Wilcox: [on dating younger men] I'm tired of using my mirror to see if my date is still breathing! I haven't had a choo-choo running over my tracks in quite a while!