Pat Harrington Jr.: Dwayne F. Schneider

Quotes 

• Beerbelly : Alex is comin' down? Why didn't y'tell us, Schneider?... If I wanted to play cards with a kid, I'd'a practiced up on my Go Fish.

  Dwayne F. Schneider : Listen, from time immemorial, it has been the responsibility of the old bulls to teach the young bucks the difference between eatin' hay and chewin' your cud.

  Mark Royer : [mildly sarcastic]  I couldn't have said it better myself.

  Beerbelly : What the heck did he say?

  Tony : I dunno. Sounds like a lot of bull.

• Dwayne F. Schneider : [discussing Alex's lack of male influence with the guys at a poker game]  I mean, look at the facts. All the people in his life right now are women. I mean, there's... there's Barbara, Ms Romano, prob'ly most of his teachers at school, and his grandma, Francine, Julie when she's in town.

  Beerbelly : Gee, the kid could turn weird from the smell of the perfume alone.

• Dwayne F. Schneider : [defending himself for bringing Alex to a mud-wrestling match at the Lodge]  Ms Romano, there are certain things that a guy can only do with other guys. It's part of the manhood ritual, y'know, like dumpin' garbage on your English teacher's porch, or maybe tippin' over outhouses.