Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom (2007)
Conchata Ferrell: Berta
Quotes
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Berta : Make friends with the janitor. They usually have their own bathroom.
Jake Harper : Okay.
Berta : Just never drink out of his Thermos.
Jake Harper : All right.
Berta : And don't believe him if he tells you he loves you. Damn it, I miss that one-eyed son-of-a-bitch!
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Charlie Harper : Hey, Berta! How have you been washing my underwear?
Berta : Like I do everything else around here: with a song on my lips, and love in my heart.
Charlie Harper : I'm serious. I got a rash in my, you know, private area.
Berta : Private? You get any more traffic down there, you're gonna have to open a Starbucks!
Charlie Harper : Yeah. Well, I thought maybe you'd changed laundry soap, 'cause it's all red and itchy, especially right around...
Alan Harper : Excuse me! I'm sitting here, eating a breakfast sausage!
Charlie Harper : It's not a sausage problem. It's more in the meatball area. Kinda meatball-adjacent.
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Jake Harper : I bet it's swamp ass.
Charlie Harper : What's swamp ass?
Berta : Don't worry. You'd know if you had swamp ass.
Jake Harper : Man, I hate swamp ass.