- Serena van der Woodsen: [covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]
- Dan Humphrey: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me!
- Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Why do you keep saying her name?
- Blair Waldorf: Because it's Nelly Yuki!
- [the Palace Hotel calls Dan's cell]
- Dan Humphrey: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
- Chuck Bass: You mean all your life?
- Blair Waldorf: [as Nelly walks up the steps to take the SATs, Blair quickly walks over to her] Rough night?
- Nelly Yuki: Yeah, and not in a good way. Todd doesn't want to get back together.
- [Blair's minions chime in with false pity]
- Blair Waldorf: No? But he said...
- Nelly Yuki: We stayed up all night having the same conversation about why we broke up over and over again.
- [drops her calculator and Blair takes out the batteries without anyone noticing; Blair's minions chime in again calling Nelly Yuki's ex-boyfriend names]
- Nelly Yuki: I got no sleep, spent the whole night crying.
- Blair Waldorf: Aw, okay. Well good luck!
- [hands the calculator back to Nelly]
- Serena van der Woodsen: I gotta wait for Dan. He's stressed. He doesn't do well with tests, so...
- Blair Waldorf: Performance anxiety?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Bye, Blair!
- Rufus Humphrey: [to Jenny] You used to cry when I didn't walk you to school.
- Jenny Humphrey: That wasn't me. That was Dan.
- Dan Humphrey: I was six. It was a very emotional time for me, post T-ball.
- Dan Humphrey: [thinks it's Serena on the phone] Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
- Chuck Bass: [but it's not Serena] You mean all of your life?
- Dan Humphrey: Don't take this the wrong way, Serena, but you sound just like this jackass we know.
- Chuck Bass: Serena has food poisoning. She's too sick to come to your play date.
- Dan Humphrey: Put her on the phone.
- Chuck Bass: The bathroom doesn't get reception.
- Dan Humphrey: Somehow I don't believe you.
- Chuck Bass: And I would like to say I'm a little glad about that, but my poor sick sister has asked for my assistance in the matter, so I'll leave it at this. She's not coming. Don't try calling. Humphrey, always a pleasure.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [to Georgina] I don't want you to ever contact me again.
- Georgina Sparks: Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?
- Serena van der Woodsen: It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was. It wasn't fun missing the SAT's and it definitely wasn't fun lying to Dan.
- Georgina Sparks: And this is all my fault because...
- Serena van der Woodsen: It's my fault because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.
- Georgina Sparks: So you wanna distant yourself from your mistakes by staying away from me? You were there to, Serena. It was just as much you if not more...
- Serena van der Woodsen: This is not about last year. It's about last night!
- Georgina Sparks: Like you were just some innocent bystander who walked in on...
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not talking about it, Georgina, okay! And neither are you. If I go down, you go down with me. In the meanwhile, stay out of my life.
- Georgina Sparks: I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't wanna be there.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Then we're agreed.
- [Serena covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]
- Dan Humphrey: Oh Chuck, I had no idea you felt like that about me.
- Nelly Yuki: Look, I'm not stupid. I know you're not really interested in how my family owns half of Tribeca.
- Hazel: Of course we're interested. You're the newest member of our little club.
- Penelope: Which is only for the smartest girls of the junior class.
- Nelly Yuki: Our junior class only has 30 girls. We're already an elite club.
- [Nelly gets impatient and grabs her violin case]
- Nelly Yuki: Can I go now?
- Hazel: You know what would be hot? You, us at G-spa.
- Nelly Yuki: I don't drink.
- Penelope: Saks Fifth?
- Nelly Yuki: Hate shopping.
- Hazel: Yogurt on the steps?
- Nelly Yuki: Lactose intolerant. Look, I really don't want any friends. All I want is to be alone and to never listen to Flo Rida ever again.
- Penelope: What happened? A little backstage hit it and quit it?
- Nelly Yuki: What? No, my boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida concert. One minute, we were waving our hands in the air like we just didn't care and the next...
- [gets upset and walks off]
- Chuck Bass: [about Blair] She really needs to tone down the social niceties. It's embarrassing.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Eventually, the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.
- Chuck Bass: What issues? I'm issue free, and based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Georgina?
- Chuck Bass: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.
- Serena van der Woodsen: There's a prince of Belfort? And she's dating him? Oh, thank God!
- Chuck Bass: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with piece of mind and maybe Chuck in the room?
- Serena van der Woodsen: [shoves Chuck] Oh, shoot, except we're siblings!
- Chuck Bass: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. Part of me is disappointed she's not here.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mm, I wonder which part.
- Chuck Bass: It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well, thanks to her, the new one has to break 2000 on her SAT's, so if you could just go smarm elsewhere.
- Chuck Bass: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck. I plan on taking the SAT's myself.
- Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki has her sights set on Yale too. What are the odds of them accepting two girls from Constance? And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extracurriculars? I need to kick her well-rounded ass!
- Gossip Girl: [after Georgina comes back and talks to Serena] Spotted in the courtyard: S looking like she's seen a ghost. A ghost of parties past.
- Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena Van Der Woodsen being given a real life multiple choice question: a. Go home and study, b. Get a good night's sleep, c. Call your boyfriend, or d. None of the above. Hope that wasn't the wrong answer, S. This test doesn't grade on a curve.
- Asher Hornsby: [to Jenny] Oh, oh, so sorry. Are you okay?
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah.
- [laughs]
- Jenny Humphrey: My lunch isn't though.
- Asher Hornsby: Uh, let me give you my last dollar.
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh, I couldn't. You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.
- Asher Hornsby: Let's just settle for an IOU then.
- Jenny Humphrey: It's just a hot dog.
- Elise Wells: [to Jenny] What are you doing? He's gorgeous.
- Jenny Humphrey: He's a dogwalker. I need a king, not a jester.
- Georgina Sparks: [as Dan walks off] You always did know how to leave them wanting more.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, my God, Georgina!
- Serena van der Woodsen: [SOS call on phone] I'm so stupid. So, so, so stupid.
- Chuck Bass: You don't sound stupid, you sound drunk. What have you been into?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Georgina. Good news is she doesn't want anything except a party. Bad news is... I partied.
- Chuck Bass: Care to paint a picture? Does this party require clothes?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm supposed to be at Dan's, studying. I called to tell him I'd be late, but not this late. I... I just have to call him and say...
- Chuck Bass: ...That instead of studying with him, you're out with your old pal Georgina.
- Serena van der Woodsen: No, I don't want him to know she exists. My Mom, Blair, even you can't stand her. Dan, of all people, cannot know Georgie. Can you help me?
- Chuck Bass: [low voice] Say you need me.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck...!
- Chuck Bass: Hearing you scream my name is more than enough. I'll take care of it and pick you up in ten.
- Dan Humphrey: [Dad bought Jenny a sewing machine to replace the one she had pawned] No one's happier than me to see this. You know how much it costs to have a zipper repaired?
- Rufus Humphrey: I figured since you'd be spending so much time at home...
- Jenny Humphrey: Wait, what...?
- Dan Humphrey: So I guess you're still grounded.
- Rufus Humphrey: [admonishing] Dan!
- Jenny Humphrey: Dad, wait. I met this really nice guy, I'm supposed to meet him in the park for lunch tomorrow.
- Rufus Humphrey: Well, grounded or not grounded, you're not old enough to date.
- Jenny Humphrey: It's not a date, he's just a friend.
- Dan Humphrey: Who is this guy?
- Jenny Humphrey: You don't know him. He goes to Unity.
- Rufus Humphrey: Wait, Upper East Side Unity?
- Dan Humphrey: I'm thinking it's Upper West Side, Dad.
- Jenny Humphrey: How are you helping?
- Rufus Humphrey: I thought you wanted to take a break from that whole crowd.
- Jenny Humphrey: What whole crowd?
- Rufus Humphrey: The one that made you feel like compromising your character was a prerequisite to hanging out with them.
- Jenny Humphrey: So, it's okay for Dan to be dating someone rich now?
- Dan Humphrey: Oh, well, not without its complications, believe me.
- Rufus Humphrey: [to Jenny] I thought you said it wasn't a date.
- Jenny Humphrey: [looks intensely at Dad, then goes:] Oh!
- [storms off angrily]
- Jenny Humphrey: [Dad's next to her in doorway, Asher brought hot dogs] That's so sweet. Especially since my unreasonable father has grounded me for life.
- Rufus Humphrey: I'm standing right here.
- Nelly Yuki: [Blair walks by while playing a Flo Rida song] Oh God. Not that song.
- Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki, what's wrong?
- Nelly Yuki: It's like it's happening all over again. That song just reminds me of my boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend I should say.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh no, did he dump you?
- [Nelly nods]
- Blair Waldorf: That's horrible. What was his name? Brad? Bill?
- Nelly Yuki: Todd. Jansen.
- Blair Waldorf: [quickly walks over to Nelly] There is nothing like the fresh sharp pain of a break up. Believe me. I've had my fair share of heartache, but this is about you. Tonight, you're going to come over to my house and just cry till you get it all out of your system.
- Nelly Yuki: I can't. I have to be focused tomorrow.
- Blair Waldorf: You can't focus when something's on your mind, now can you?
- [closes Nelly's textbook]
- Blair Waldorf: Come, come, come. Tell me all about it.
- [Nelly smiles and is taken by Blair's false generosity]