It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (TV Series)

Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person (2007)

Rob McElhenney: Mac

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Kelly : [singing with his band]  Night Man, sneaky and mean / Spider inside my dreams / I think I love you / You make me want to cry / You make me want to die / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you Night Man / Every night you come into my room and pin me down / With your strong arms you pin me down / And I try to fight you / You come inside me / And fill me up and I become the...

  Mac : [cuts him off]  Whoa whoa, Charlie. Okay the first part of that song was kinda cool but what's up with the second part?

  Charlie Kelly : Well it's about the Night Man and how he comes inside me and I like become him, you know I become the spirit of the Night Man

  Mac : Yeah? Cause it sounds like a song where a guy breaks into your house and rapes you!

  Charlie Kelly : What? No. Where are you getting that from? Here' let me play the rest

  [starts singing again] 

  Charlie Kelly : It's just two men sharing the night/ It might seem wrong but it's just right/ It's just two men sharing each other/ It's just two men like loving brothers/ One on top and one on bottom/ One is inside and one is out/ One is screaming he's so happy/ The other's screaming a passionate shout/ It's the Night Man/ The feeling so wrong and right man/ The feeling so wrong and... / I can't fight you Night Man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the niiiiiiight/ The passionate, passionate Night Man!

• Mac : [referring to band]  You're not in it.

  Dennis Reynolds : Why am I not in it? I have a great voice.

  Mac : You do have a great voice. You know what man, you have an excellent voice. The problem is that you're like into all of that early eighties glam rock fem shit and that's not the artistic direction that I want to take the band in.

  Dennis Reynolds : Artistic direction? You guys don't even play instruments.

  Mac : Well that doesn't matter, does it? Because it's all about rocking and looking good and kicking ass.

  Frank Reynolds : Yeah, he's right. It's all about image and marketing. I mean, there are no band out there with any musical ability.

  Mac : Frank, I like the way you think. You're in the band!

• Dennis Reynolds : What the hell is this? A page from a coloring book?

  Mac : It's a song Charlie wrote. It's called Nightman. Skip all the raping parts and get on the stage.

• Charlie Kelly : Whoa dude, what are you doing? That's my good chair!

  Mac : Charlie, it's covered in bird shit.

  Charlie Kelly : No... it's toothpaste.

  Mac : It's clearly bird shit.

  Charlie Kelly : No, it's not. It's toothpaste.

  Mac : Do you even own a toothbrush?

• Charlie Kelly : Hey, Dee, does that guy have, like, a... like, a little hand?

  Mac : Charlie, I was gonna say his foot looks small.

• Guitar Salesman : You got a graphite reinforced neck, 35 inch scale, two humbuckers...

  Mac : Yeah guy, move over six inches.

  Guitar Salesman : Oh, yeah. Um, so it's a...

  Mac : [sees self in mirror]  That's it. Shut up.

• Frank Reynolds : We're sittin' around here practicing like a bunch of pansies. We should be out gettin' wasted and breaking shit.

  Mac : Frank's absolutely right. How can we be rock stars if we're not living like rock stars?