- Charlie Kelly: [singing with his band] Night Man, sneaky and mean / Spider inside my dreams / I think I love you / You make me want to cry / You make me want to die / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you / I love you Night Man / Every night you come into my room and pin me down / With your strong arms you pin me down / And I try to fight you / You come inside me / And fill me up and I become the...
- Mac: [cuts him off] Whoa whoa, Charlie. Okay the first part of that song was kinda cool but what's up with the second part?
- Charlie Kelly: Well it's about the Night Man and how he comes inside me and I like become him, you know I become the spirit of the Night Man
- Mac: Yeah? Cause it sounds like a song where a guy breaks into your house and rapes you!
- Charlie Kelly: What? No. Where are you getting that from? Here' let me play the rest
- [starts singing again]
- Charlie Kelly: It's just two men sharing the night/ It might seem wrong but it's just right/ It's just two men sharing each other/ It's just two men like loving brothers/ One on top and one on bottom/ One is inside and one is out/ One is screaming he's so happy/ The other's screaming a passionate shout/ It's the Night Man/ The feeling so wrong and right man/ The feeling so wrong and... / I can't fight you Night Man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the niiiiiiight/ The passionate, passionate Night Man!
- Charlie Kelly: What is going on up here?
- [points to his head and laughs]
- Dennis Reynolds: I never know, man.
- Charlie Kelly: Daylight.
- [pointing to a bright window]
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, I like that.
- [pointing to Charlie's keyboard beat]
- Charlie Kelly: Day, Day-man.
- Dennis Reynolds: Dayman?
- Charlie Kelly: Fighter of the Night Man, Champion of the...
- Dennis Reynolds: Sun.
- Charlie Kelly: Sun! You're a master of karate...
- Dennis Reynolds: And friendship, for everyone.
- Mac: [referring to band] You're not in it.
- Dennis Reynolds: Why am I not in it? I have a great voice.
- Mac: You do have a great voice. You know what man, you have an excellent voice. The problem is that you're like into all of that early eighties glam rock fem shit and that's not the artistic direction that I want to take the band in.
- Dennis Reynolds: Artistic direction? You guys don't even play instruments.
- Mac: Well that doesn't matter, does it? Because it's all about rocking and looking good and kicking ass.
- Frank Reynolds: Yeah, he's right. It's all about image and marketing. I mean, there are no band out there with any musical ability.
- Mac: Frank, I like the way you think. You're in the band!
- Dennis Reynolds: What's with the uh, curtains?
- Charlie Kelly: I'm living in a world of darkness.
- Dennis Reynolds: Right. Let's get some light in here.
- [pulls down curtains and sees Charlie with silver spray paint around his nose and mouth from huffing]
- Dennis Reynolds: Whoa, what's with the spray paint, man?
- Charlie Kelly: Uhh, what's with your outfit, man?
- Dennis Reynolds: Why don't we put the curtains back up?
- Charlie Kelly: No, no. What is going on up here?
- [points to his head]
- Dennis Reynolds: I never know, man.
- Charlie Kelly: [starts a beat with his electric piano] Daylight...
- [points to windows]
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, I like that.
- Charlie Kelly: Day-Dayman.
- Dennis Reynolds: Dayman.
- Charlie Kelly: Fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the... sun. You're a master of karate...
- Dennis Reynolds: ...and friendship, for everyone.
- Charlie Kelly: Dayman, that's it!
- Dennis Reynolds: Dayman, ahh-ahh-ahh!
- Charlie Kelly: ...Fighter of the Nightman.
- Dennis Reynolds: Ahh-ahh-ahh.
- Dennis Reynolds, Charlie Kelly: Champion of the sun. Ahh-ahh-ahh. You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone! Dayman.
- Dennis Reynolds: What the hell is this? A page from a coloring book?
- Mac: It's a song Charlie wrote. It's called Nightman. Skip all the raping parts and get on the stage.
- Charlie Kelly: Whoa dude, what are you doing? That's my good chair!
- Mac: Charlie, it's covered in bird shit.
- Charlie Kelly: No... it's toothpaste.
- Mac: It's clearly bird shit.
- Charlie Kelly: No, it's not. It's toothpaste.
- Mac: Do you even own a toothbrush?
- Lil' Kevin: [beginning of rap] Let me tell you all a story 'bout a girl I knew. A broke-ass bitch with a gay-ass crew...
- Charlie Kelly: Hey, Dee, does that guy have, like, a... like, a little hand?
- Mac: Charlie, I was gonna say his foot looks small.
- Guitar Salesman: You got a graphite reinforced neck, 35 inch scale, two humbuckers...
- Mac: Yeah guy, move over six inches.
- Guitar Salesman: Oh, yeah. Um, so it's a...
- Mac: [sees self in mirror] That's it. Shut up.
- Dennis Reynolds: Holy shit. No, that guy's retarded.
- Dee Reynolds: Well, you're retarded.
- Dennis Reynolds: No, Dee, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying he is an actual retarded person. Yeah, we went to elementary school together. He used to take classes in a trailer outside school. He rode the short bus.
- Dee Reynolds: Whatever. You think I wouldn't know if the guy I'm dating is retarded?
- [the gang gives her a look]
- Dee Reynolds: There is no way I am dating a retarded person.
- Charlie Kelly: [singing] They took you Night Man and you don't belong to them. They left me in a world of darkness without your sexy hands and I miss you, Night Man... so bad.
- Frank Reynolds: Charlie is right. We should not be breakin' our own shit. We should be out there breakin' other people's shit. That's rock & roll.
- Frank Reynolds: We're sittin' around here practicing like a bunch of pansies. We should be out gettin' wasted and breaking shit.
- Mac: Frank's absolutely right. How can we be rock stars if we're not living like rock stars?