Family Guy (TV Series)

The Movement (2020)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Tom Tucker, Stan Smith, Roger the Alien, Tom Tucker Sr., Carter Pewderschmidt

Photos 

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : Oh, my God, are you trading me?

  Peter Griffin : Look, it's nothing personal. You've been very professional as a family member, but here's the thing. We're sending you down to American Dad.

  Meg Griffin : No! But... NO!

  Peter Griffin : Look, they're not excited about it, either. I guess I could call The Orville.

  Meg Griffin : [sighing]  I'll do American Dad.

• Lois Griffin : Well, I'm glad all that controversy is over and we got our old Peter back. But I kinda miss Meg.

  Stewie Griffin : Oh, yeah, that's right. She got traded to "American Dad".

  Chris Griffin : I hear she's doing great.

  [Peter turns on the TV; as the "American Dad" theme plays, Meg jumps out of bed] 

  Meg Griffin : [singing]  Good morning, USA. Ba-da-ba-da-ba, Stan's the dad, and the alien's gay. And then there's a fish and a boy and a girl...

  Stan Smith : [coming in from the bathroom]  Hey! Shut up, Meg.

  Meg Griffin : Oh. So it's just gonna be the same?

  Stan Smith : Yup.

  Roger the Alien : Yeah.

• Peter Griffin : I love comin' to the ballpark. Drunk and Irish in front of a fishbowl of minorities. What could go wrong?

• Peter Griffin : All right, it's time for me to Oakley-load for tonight's game. Okay. Forehead Oakleys, round-the-neck Oakleys, brim-of-the-cap Oakleys, back-of-the-head Oakleys, tucked-into-my-shirt-collar Oakleys, Everglades fan boat Oakleys, and Ray-Bans for my eyes, because Oakleys are terrible.

• Brian Griffin : So, what do you think of your first tailgate, Stewie?

  Stewie Griffin : It's so great. Dad gave me a sip of beer. I'm gonna mention that to my teacher and it's gonna be a big problem.

• Johnny Feedback Robinson : All right, it's Bucket-O-Shrimp Night, brought to you by Rocco's Lukewarm Refrigerator Trucks. Rocco's: we got it there, didn't we?

  Peter Griffin : [finishing a bucket, his stomach gurgles]  Hmm. That child's beach toy full of gray baseball stadium shellfish isn't sitting right for some reason. Maybe I should smoke a cigarette for the first time ever.

  [as he lights up and takes a drag, his stomach continues gurgling] 

  Peter Griffin : Okay, not a fix for now, but definitely something I immediately want to keep doing. Probably just to add something hot and acidic to the mix.

  [a vendor selling re-microwaved coffee passes] 

  Peter Griffin : I'll take one!

• Peter Griffin : Mr. Pewderschmidt, I think I have to go to the bathroom, sir.

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Not now. We're about to do the national anthem.

  Peter Griffin : [trying to hold it as the anthem plays]  Oh, boy. It's like Medusa's hair in there. I can't stop it.

  [starting to kneel] 

  Peter Griffin : Must... sit in a way... that pinches my sphincter... shut.

  Johnny Feedback Robinson : [the crowd gasps upon seeing him]  Oh, my! Looks like coach Peter Griffin is taking a knee during your national anthem. I'm Canadian. What is he thinking "aboot"?

  Carter Pewderschmidt : What's he doing? He's not protesting the anthem, is he?

  Peter Griffin : [farting]  Uh-oh.

  [a vendor selling shrimp buckets passes by] 

  Peter Griffin : Right here, dude.

• Johnny Feedback Robinson : Now for tonight's starting lineup! First, your coach, Frank "Cardiac Arrest" Ross!

  [going into cardiac arrest, Ross clutches at his chest and collapses] 

  Johnny Feedback Robinson : And the pitching coach, Bill "Doesn't Know CPR" McGillicuddy!

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Damn it! Where am I gonna get another coach?

  Homer Simpson : [in the stands]  I'm on vacation!

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Aw, darn. That would've been funny.

• Chris Griffin : Dad, what are you doing?

  Peter Griffin : This is tailgating, son. It's where you bring all your trash and you leave it for someone else to deal with. Here, help me get this Christmas tree out of the back.

• Peter Griffin : [tracking mud into the house with his cleats]  Morning, team.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, do you really have to wear those in the house?

  Peter Griffin : Yes, I do. I'm a baseball coach now. You knew that when you married me.

• Peter Griffin : [his players celebrate a walk-off win]  Yeah! Punch him! Good! Curb him! Okay, now pull his shirt over his head and waterboard him with the Gatorade. Yes! Cut him with knives! Good! Burn him with fire! Yes!

  [a bloody and beaten player crawls out from under the pile] 

  Peter Griffin : Way to go, you! All this is happening because you did something well.

• Carter Pewderschmidt : [showing the Griffins to his private stadium box]  Well, here it is. What do you think?

  Lois Griffin : Wow, Daddy, it's beautiful!

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Yeah, it's really great up here. There's free food, a bar, and you can drop a plastic spider on a string on your friends below.

  Peter Griffin : Really?

  Glenn Quagmire : [down in the stands]  Go, Quahog!

  Peter Griffin : [falling onto him]  I fell trying to lower a spider.

• Chris Griffin : Dad, check it out! You're on the news for taking a knee during the anthem.

  Peter Griffin : What?

  Chris Griffin : They called you a hero and an activist.

  Peter Griffin : A hero?

  Meg Griffin : Yeah. Because you took a knee to support the fight against police brutality.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah... yes. That's what I did.

  Chris Griffin : I can't believe my dad's a hero.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, I'm no hero. I'm just a white guy doing what black people were already doing. In other words, a hero.

  Brian Griffin : Well, can I just say, as the famed family liberal, I think this activism is great, Peter. Doesn't matter if it's me or, say, you who gets applauded for his progressive thinking, as long as the message is out there.

  Peter Griffin : Thank you, Brian.

  Stewie Griffin : [chuckling]  Wow. You... you are furious.

  Brian Griffin : Not at all. As long as the message gets out there. I'm no different than my peers; Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King. Hey, did you ever notice he has the names "Doc" and "Marty" in his name?

  Stewie Griffin : Let it go.

  Brian Griffin : [taking out his phone]  Hello, Twitter.

  [chiming sounds as his tweet gets responses] 

  Brian Griffin : And I have to move out again.

• Lois Griffin : I don't know, Peter. This all seems weird. You never been interested in these issues before. A-Are you sure you're not just exploiting a real social issue so that people can call you a hero?

  Peter Griffin : You heard Tom Tucker. I'm an activist now. I'm gonna go down in history, like my great-great-grandfather, John Wilkes Photo Booth Griffin.

  [cut away to Booth and Abe Lincoln taking funny pictures in a photo booth, with Booth eventually getting angry and killing him] 

• Jerome : Drinks are on me tonight, thanks to your buddy Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Wow. Thanks, Jerome.

  Jerome : Well, thank you for supporting the cause.

  Glenn Quagmire : [they fist-bump]  Wow, people just give you things now?

  Peter Griffin : Yeah. Being an activist is great. I get all kinds of respect now. Check it out. Here comes Cher to congratulate me.

  Joe Swanson : Peter, that's just a barstool with a fur coat draped over it.

  Peter Griffin : Oh. Well, I see Robert DeNiro headed this way.

  Glenn Quagmire : That's a trash can with a moldy pumpkin on top.

  Peter Griffin : Ah. Well, I definitely see Michael Rapaport over there.

  Cleveland Brown : That's someone's Boston Market that fell on the floor.

• Joe Swanson : Peter, you okay?

  Peter Griffin : Yeah. So many liberals patted me on the back today that I lost my glasses.

  Man Congratulating Peter : We're proud of you, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : [as he gets patted on the back, his eyeballs pop out, leaving the empty sockets]  In some comics, this means I'm sleeping.

• Peter Griffin : What happened to me? Where am I?

  Cleveland Brown : Have you ever seen "Black Panther"?

  Peter Griffin : No. No. God, no.

  Cleveland Brown : Well, this is WaQuahog, a secret part of Quahog with technology more advanced than any nation. We brought you here to help you after you were attacked for your activism.

  Peter Griffin : Really? So I'm the only white guy who knows WaQuahog exists?

  Cleveland Brown : Well, you and one Postmates guy.

  Postmates Deliveryman : [entering through a portal]  Hey, I got your Taco Bell breakfast.

  Cleveland Brown : Thanks.

  [opening the bag] 

  Cleveland Brown : Oh. I don't, uh, I don't see a soda with that.

  Postmates Deliveryman : Oh, yeah, sorry. Um... do you want me to go back?

  Cleveland Brown : Well, I mean... kinda.

  Postmates Deliveryman : Okay, but since it's WaQuahog, it'll probably be, like, 45 minutes, at least.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah. I mean, I ordered the soda 'cause I wanted the soda.

  Postmates Deliveryman : [sighing]  Okay, man. See you in, like, an hour.

  Cleveland Brown : Right on.

  Peter Griffin : You better give him a big tip.

  Cleveland Brown : Pretty sure the tip is already built into the service charge.

• Peter Griffin : Cleveland, people of WaQuahog, I didn't kneel during the anthem because I was an activist. I kneeled because I had fairly brutal diarrhea, and I'm sorry. If I could take it back, I would still kneel, but for the right reasons now. I see the struggle you face, and you deserve everyone's support. And, Carter, I know you're just trying to honor the troops.

  Carter Pewderschmidt : I never said that.

  Peter Griffin : But, honestly, why are we even playing the national anthem at a sports event? It's not a solemn occasion, like a military funeral or-or sex between Salma Hayek and Ed Norton. It's a game. The problem isn't with each other, it's with the song. We need a new song, one that unites all people.

  [a man in the stands makes fun of his phone's appearance] 

  Peter Griffin : You're talking about, aren't you? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new national anthem.

  [on his phone, he plays "The Hamster Dance Song"; as the song continues, the camera pans down the line of players, with Peter reappearing twice] 

  Peter Griffin : I'm making my way to the bathroom. I have to poop again.

• Peter Griffin : [after being knocked unconscious]  Cleveland? Wha... where am I?

  Cleveland Brown : Welcome to WaQuahog.

  Peter Griffin : [seeing a technologically advanced civilization a la Wakanda from "Black Panther"]  Oh, my God! Why wasn't this the Cleveland Show?

  Cleveland Brown : This entire episode would have been our season five premiere.

• Nike President : Mr. Griffin, we heard about your protest, and we no-heartedly believe that, with your help, we can conflate buying our products with genuine activism.

  Peter Griffin : I voted.

  Nike President : Yes. And now we want to give you a lot of money to star in a commercial for us. What do you say?

  Peter Griffin : Well, I have two questions. Will there be a stipend?

  Nike President : Yes.

  Peter Griffin : Ah. And what is a stipend?

  Nike President : It's a fee for being in the commercial.

  Peter Griffin : I'm in!

• Peter Griffin : In order to prove I'm an activist, I need to yell at people who are just trying to buy milk on their way home from work.

• Peter Griffin : Oh, man. I don't know what to do.

  King : [appearing in a thought bubble]  Kneel with us, brother.

  Carter Pewderschmidt : [appearing in another]  Whoa! That is good bathroom cocaine.

  [hearing a knock on the door] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Somebody's in this stall!

• Peter Griffin : [his commercial for Nike]  How do you know what's inside you unless you test yourself? Don't do one push-up, do 100. Don't run one mile, run a marathon. Don't have one family, have a second family all the way across the country. Don't just have a second family, have a third family in Santa Fe with an alternative lifestyle. Don't spend any time with the first two families, make a commitment to family number three, and double down by announcing it at his war-hero father's retirement party. Don't go to the funeral, 'cause, remember, you got two other families to deal with and a marathon to train for. Don't just let Kenneth walk out of your life, take his life from him. Don't just go to jail, go to death row by killing the other two families. Don't just let anyone have their closure by apologizing, send a message that you're not afraid of hell. Nike. You may not know this, but our full name is Nichael.

• Peter Griffin : [in WaQuahog]  Wow! So this is, like, a secret kingdom cut off from the rest of the world?

  Cleveland Brown : We got everything you need down here. Even our own WaQuahog TV channel.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, "The Jeffersons".

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, but they edit all the shows for syndication.

• Carter Pewderschmidt : A lot of eyes on you today, Griffin. I'm counting on you to do the right thing. The only kneelin' I want around here is Kevin.

  Kevin Nealon : Hey, Mr. Pewderschmidt - front row seats - thanks for having me at the game.

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Pleased to meet you, Kevin. I've got some seats for you in the front row.

  Kevin Nealon : Oh, great! Thanks! Line of coke. Lead the way.

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Sure. Hey, what do you say we take a pit stop in the...

  [tapping his nose] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : ...little boys' room?

• Lois Griffin : [Peter makes a mess in the living room]  Peter, what the hell?

  Peter Griffin : It's okay, it's okay.

  [pointing to a sticker on his shirt] 

  Peter Griffin : I voted. So... yeah.

  Lois Griffin : What does that matter?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, well, I'm a part of the national conversation now, and I voted. So my hands are kinda tied, so... yeah.

  Lois Griffin : You know what? This whole activism thing has gone on long enough. You knelt at one game. It's not like opportunity's gonna come knocking on the door, offering you money for it.

  [as if on cue, there's a knock on the door] 

  Nike President : Hi, I'm the president of Nike. How'd you like some money?

  Lois Griffin : For crying out loud!

• Peter Griffin : What are you doing here?

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Peter, ever since you made that stupid commercial, my ticket sales have tanked! Thanks to you, people now think the Quahog Whooping Scalpers are racist!

  Peter Griffin : You want me to sign your boobs?

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Peter, your kneeling days are over.

  [picking up a baseball bat] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Two strikes, two outs, bottom of the ninth, down by one, bases loaded, Pewderschmidt up.

  [chanting] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Carter! Carter! He grounded out in the second, struck out in the fifth. Hasn't been his day. Here's the wind-up, the pitch... strike three! And he knew it.

  [as he throws the bat to the ground, it rebounds and hits Peter, knocking him down an escalator] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : [whistling birds appear circling above Peter's head]  Aw, cute. Look at the little birds.

  [they get squished in turn by the escalator stairs] 

  Carter Pewderschmidt : Ooh, Disney's not gonna like that.